Morning, 8/31/10

It's 6:23 AM and I'm up with zero provocation.

It's a peculiar truth because I am not and never have been a morning person. In fact, it's not unusual for me to attempt to wheedle a few extra zzzz's when faced with the need to arise. But not today. Today, I simply woke up, stared at the ceiling for 2 minutes, and decided I was up. So here I am.

I've reflected a little on the really bad, challenging times in my life. There have been several: Bits and pieces of my childhood that I'd rather not revisit; my first month of college, when I was sad to be away from home and dealt in ineffective ways that led to depression and mass rejection by peers with whom I longed to be friendly; and just a few years ago, 9 months after Logan was born when the world just suddenly and inexplicably began to weigh heavily on my heart and mind and it became hard to get up every day. There are people here who walked with me during those times as well as others who exascerabated the pain. Regardless of which side of that fence you were on for me, know that if you're reading this, it's been forgiven. I can't hold grudges, I can't be angry. It's too exhausting and a sheer waste of precious time.

Anyway, my point in thinking of these times is not to wallow in a woe-is-me brand of self-pity, rather to remember that they were difficult and extremely painful times, yet they did inevitably come to an end. This too shall pass. As much as it feels as if God is allowing an epic hurricane to play out in my life, I know that down the road, the storm will settle, the rain will cease, and the sun will shine again. And hopefully when it does, there will be rainbows involved.