Blue

I feel sad.

There, I've said it. It's out there. I can't say that my emotional pendulum is truly swinging back in a negative direction, but I can say that I'm sad, bummed out and frustrated. Fortunately for me, I suspect that this is just part of the natural progression for moms in my position; moms doing all they can do to rally support for their critically ill children and feeling buried, virtually suffocated under the weight of that responsibility.

I'm sad because although I'm thankful that Logan is doing as well as he is, he's still very ill. And he's still very much not himself 80 some percent of the time. He's tired, weak, cranky, mercurial. All things that are normal for kids on his treatment protocol; after all, the drugs absolutely destroy the bone marrow and physical resiliency in addition to causing a host of awful side effects that no 4-year old child should ever have to face.

I just miss my sunshine and I hate the evil that somehow took root in him and precipitated this disaster in the first place.

So yes. My heart hurts and I'm sad.

But tomorrow is another day.