Drained

First off, I hope all of you enjoyed your Thanksgiving Days. It definitely wasn't the best one I've ever had -- probably one of the worst, if not the worst, actually -- but we got through it. I'm completely wiped out but felt like I should post something just to bring you up to speed.

Today was frustrating for several reasons. It started off well enough, with Logan calling me from the hospital at 8 to say happy Thanksgiving. He sounded cheerful, happy, and that's always good for mommy's heart. Abby, Isaac and I had a gradual start to the day which involved cereal of their choosing and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Then the parade of frustration started when Adam called at 10:30 -- 30 minutes after Logan's scheduled ER time -- to say that they'd just drawn his labs to make sure that yesterday's platelet transfusion had done the trick.

This did not put me in a great mood, and then I only let it get worse.

An hour or so later, he called back to say that Logan's hemoglobin had come back at 7, which is much too low. So they were planning to do a re-draw using a different entry point to check again, and if it came back low again, he'd have to get blood, repeat the draw, and then move on with the surgery, which meant he'd probably be there til Friday or Saturday. I was confused, mad, frustrated, everything you might imagine. And although I'm not especially proud of myself, I lost it. Tiredness, pregnancy, disappointment and a host of other crazy emotions took over and I started crying. Adam didn't know what to do with me, so he hung up, which of course made me feel even worse.

I vascillated between loading the other kids in the van and driving to CHO, but couldn't make a decision and couldn't get Adam to answer his cell, so I called my mom, which wound up being very helpful. (Thanks Mommy.) He finally called me back and apologized, and said that the second set of results came back and his HGB was actually 9.3, so almost a full point higher than yesterday's number. As a result, he'd just gone into surgery.

He called again when Logan came out of the OR at 2:30, and I then drove up with the other kids. He was aware, alert and eating a chocolate bar when we arrived. He looked pale, but otherwise okay. The oncology team wanted to let him go home, but the surgical team wanted to hold him overnight. A member of the surgeon's team came in at one point and was kind of a jerk to me, to be honest: He asked how much we wanted him to be able to go home today, and I was a little taken aback before I pointed out that he has a bad form of cancer and we like to have all of the holidays we can get. He replied rather curtly that the potential bleeding issue they were worried over was more potentially dangerous than the tumor. I was not amused. The oncology fellow, Anna (who really likes Logan), thought he was overreacting, and talked with the on call doc, who pressed the lead surgeon to just release him. Inevitably, that's what wound up happening, but the conversation with the surgical team member really left a bad taste in my mouth. I understand that it's impossible to understand where I'm coming from unless you've been in my shoes, but the jerk attitude doesn't help anyone.

I drove Abby and Isaac to Adam's Aunt and Uncle's house for a late dinner at about 5:30, and Adam and Logan were shortly behind us. He really enjoyed the turkey in particular and ate reasonably well, though he was also clearly very tired.

We got home a little while ago. I'm utterly exhausted. We have to watch Logan's new line very carefully, and may have to take him to the onc clinic in the morning to have it checked, but at least we're all home. Rather than placing it in the same artery, they wound up inserting it in an artery on the opposite side of his chest, so now he'll have matching scars.

My poor little pin cushion. But he really is a champion. When I was putting him to bed tonight, he said 'I think Angela's a pretty good nurse'. I was amused -- she was his nurse this morning and had been his nurse several times in the PICU back in August, but we hadn't seen her in quite a while. But she's always liked him. Anyway, I asked why, and he said 'it's because I like her hair'. I asked what he liked about it, and he said 'it comes down in a line (sideswept bangs) and it does a circle thing at the end (curls).' He's so funny. He has surgery and is back macking on the ladies a few hours later.

But anyway, thank you for your prayers for today and for the ones of the past and for those to come. They're the most important gift you could ever give our family.