The Logan Update: 11/18/10

I've come to realize that on the days that I don't want to pray, I should make a point of praying more. In the same way, on the days that I don't want to write, I should do it anyway. So here I am.

We're all still here at home. Logan's been out of the hospital since last Wednesday, which is pretty remarkable. While I love (LOVE) not having to drive to Oakland every day, not worrying about whether Abby and Isaac feel neglected, not being completely exhausted as I collapse into bed every night, and having my entire family under one roof, there are things that I don't love, too. For example, Logan has morphed into a whiny, incredibly demanding child. To be fair, it's not all the time, but... much of the time. Last night, we made him FIVE different things for dinner in a quest to get him to eat ANYthing. He rejected lasagna, and asked for a hot dog. Then he rejected the hot dog (after it was on the plate, in the bun, ready to eat and in his lap), and asked for pizza, which was rejected in short order. Then he asked for chicken nuggets, and you guessed it: Rejected those, too, after they'd already been made. Next he asked for macaroni and cheese. Adam put his foot down at first and said no, but changed his mind (with a heavy sigh) and said that he'd make it, but that Logan had to eat it. Did he? NO. Rejected that, too. He finally asked for lasagna again and actually ate a few bites, but that's what mealtimes tend to look like lately at our house. He's gotten used to being demanding and to getting what he wants.

Sure, some of it is our fault for giving in. But I seriously challenge anyone in our shoes to not fall into that particular pit as well: Your child is skin and bones, no muscle tone, you just want him to eat and gain weight, so you do what you can to try to get him to accept ANYthing. It's hard. It's not as simple as just saying 'no, sorry, eat what I made or starve', because he really could starve.

Still, tonight we're not taking the guff. He'll have two choices, and he'll pick one (or two, if he wants both). And he'll either eat it or not. The harder line stance is a direct result of the TPN (liquid nutrition IV) we can give him overnight, though; I'm sure that if we didn't have one of them at our beck and call, we'd probably still try to cater to his whims. Sigh. Just another complicated part of this whole routine.

In other news, his bloodwork this morning (which we delivered to our local Quest and was supposed to be processed STAT but wound up taking EIGHT hours to get to Philippa) showed a good magnesium level, slightly low potassium (which is his norm), platelets at 70 (post-yesterday's transfusion) and HGB at 9.7. All decent numbers. His WBC count came back at .1, which is theoretically higher than the 'less than .1' denotation that CHO uses, so he may be starting to recover. He's on cycle day #17 so still well-within the normal recovery range of day 14 to day 21, but of course we'd rather be on the earlier side than the later and not have it drag out as it did during the now-infamous cycle 2.

So what do we need prayer for? First off, for those numbers to rebound soon. If his platelets stay above 50, he won't have to go back for a transfusion, which would be so wonderful. We'd also like to see his WBC count increase for real. Until it does, he's stuck here at the house. While it's nice to be home and not at CHO, it would be nicer to be able to leave every now and then to go to Costco, the park, anywhere. It's easy to get whiny and unpleasant when you're stuck in the same place 24/7.

We also need the three Ps: Peace, patience and perseverance. I once again am beginning to feel like I'm wandering on a long journey through the desert, and am in need of encouragement.

Though in fairness, I should note that it's not that I haven't gotten any reassurance lately, because in my typical bizarre way, I have. (You know how I love my anecdotes.) In the car while driving to pick up a prescription for Mr. Logan earlier today, I was vaguely aware of the radio. I heard the DJ say 'new one from Sugarland' and 'listen carefully to the words', and then of course I tuned it out. The next thing I knew, I'd tuned back in again and lead singer Jennifer Nettles was singing this:

It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright,

It’ll be alright again, it’ll be alright again,
I’m okay, It’ll be alright again, I’m okay (okay) It’ll be alright again, I’m okay

Just a little tiny miniscule something, but something nonetheless. And it was just enough of a little something to make my eyes water... a little.

Have a great night.