If you're new to my blog and our story, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you and to thank you from the bottom of my heart for every single prayer that you say on behalf of Logan, myself and our family. As you read the entries past, be aware that I'm brutally honest at times: Although eloquence of the written word is a gift that I possess, at times, particularly when things seem outlandishly challenging and overwhelmingly hard to handle, my emotions get the best of me. But I assure you that it's all real: If the Good Lord can use me to reach or bring comfort to just one person, I'll be pleased to know that I've served a good purpose through my pain and suffering.
In case it escaped notice, my FB status update a little while ago read as follows:
and the verdict is... transfusion went fine, NO fever. They'll be heading home soon! Phew. Thanks for praying! Now just to destroy that tumor and its buddies...
Woo, thank God for that! Adam and Logan got back home at around 8:30 this evening and while Adam took charge of putting Abby and Isaac to bed, I made Logan's dinner of choice: Kraft macaroni and cheese. (He apparently rejected all other offered foods while they were out at the hospital.) I prepared it in, er, what I'll call 'chemo weight loss friendly fashion', using a full stick of butter, a tablespoon of heavy cream and 1/4 cup whole milk. (For reference, the usual recipe -- which is already calorie-laden in a gross, gross way -- calls for 4 tablespoons of butter and 1/4 cup 2% milk. So just a slight variation from the norm.) I made up a little bowl and added a capsule of potassium, since his levels have been low and he refuses to eat or drink anything at all that contains 'those white fings', as he calls them. We figured it would be a good idea to try to melt them. Logan ate about half of the bowl before he complained that it tasted 'salty'. I'm grateful that he probably got a good dose of it, but wish he'd have finished. Oh well: Some is better than none at all.
Post macaroni, he requested the last slice of Abby's birthday cake. After he'd polished it off, he asked for some of the homemade ice cream Adam was eating. Score! It was, of course, made with heavy cream and I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole, but he needs those calories so praise God for his dessert gluttony tonight! And yes, I can add that last phrase to my ever-growing 'I never thought I'd say something like that about my child' list.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring -- but honestly, who does?? -- but I'm grateful for today and tonight. And I'm grateful for everyone who prays for us and who intercedes on Logan's behalf. I believe in the healing power of prayer, and I'm so excited by what I've seen. I want to see more and more and more, and I pray that I get that gift.
Despite the pain and the frustration and the pure nightmarish nature of our situation, I'm also finding a peace that I've never really felt before (at times, anyway. I'm still human. I still get upset and lose hope). I enjoy my prayer time more than ever, and I enjoy that I feel like I hear from God. For example, this morning was challenging, with Logan rejecting medicine and then vomiting after we'd made him take it. I was frustrated. I went upstairs, laid on my bed and prayed for some peace. I questioned God for the upteenth time, expressed anger over Logan's suffering, and said I didn't understand why any of it was happening. And then I heard it, quietly: Because I'm reaching people. And I felt peace. Not contentment, but peace. A vague sense of acceptance.
If He's reaching you via all of this, I'm grateful. And please keep praying!
I've officially finished moving all of my posts to my new blog. You can find it at prayersforlogan.blogspot.com. Please feel free to follow me there and to invite your friends and fellow prayer warriors to do the same. Thank you!