I don't feel like writing, but am doing so at Karine's urging to clarify a point: A fever and high heartrate are par for the course when it comes to chemo. They just happen. They're frustrating and disappointing and feel like a setback, but they happen often. Since all of Logan's blood cultures have come back negative so far, he'll have a CT scan at some point tomorrow to look for a hidden infection somewhere in his digestive tract. The oncologist on call this week isn't expecting anything to show up; she feels it's a neutropenic fever (resulting from low WBC and ANC numbers) and that it will eventually right itself. That doesn't make me feel any better because I just want to bring him home, but like I said, I just wanted to give more details.
I'm sinking. Really, really sinking. I can't tell you how devastating it was to feel like God answered my prayer with that nugget only to snatch it away again 24 hours later. I feel betrayed.