The Logan Update: 11/15/10

It's Monday night, and Logan is still at home with us. (If I knew how to type a little heart, I would totally do it right now even though I'm not a 'cutesy hearts in my text' kind of gal.) But that doesn't mean that we didn't have yet another trip to Oakland today, as his bloodwork this morning showed not only low platelets (15), but low hemoglobin as well (7.3). So Adam and I took his mom's very kind offer of watching the boys for us and went to lunch sans kids before shuttling Logan to the day hospital for two transfusions. Thankfully, he avoided spiking a fever yet again, passed the on-call oncologist's evaluation for mucusitis, and was cleared to head home again this evening just minutes after finishing his hemoglobin.

Molly and Philippa both continued to be impressed by his progress so far; when Logan returns for his outpatient Vincristine tomorrow, he'll break Molly's record for Headstart kids' time at home mid-cycle. Granted there aren't many kids on the Headstart protocol, but still, it's worth noting that she's never seen a kid manage to stay out of the hospital long enough to need to return for their chemo booster. Additionally, Philippa told Adam that she would've bet money on Logan being admitted again sometime Saturday or Sunday. So positive things are happening. Praise, praise God for that.

Despite all of that, I still feel decidedly squirrelly. I mean, of course I do: My little sweetie has a dangerous form of cancer. It's natural that I feel a little nervous now and then, right? I guess you could just say that I'm having trouble fully accepting and not questioning the positive developments we've seen here. I know they're blessings from God; it's a blessing to have him home. It's a blessing to not have to trek back and forth to Oakland every single day while 34 1/2 weeks pregnant. It's a blessing to think that we may get to have him home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. But at the same time, it's hard to not let the doubt creep in: Why are things going so nicely? I'd like to just accept the blessings freely and without worry and without creating implications within them that probably aren't even there.

It's not as if we're not deserving of a little good news; the past 13 weeks have been largely a string of hellaciously bad things, the unfolding of a horror story. So I know I should just relax and enjoy. But a half glass empty girl like me has to work extra hard when it comes to things like that, so I'm doing the best I can to shut out the negative voices, so to speak -- like the one that whispers 'look at how wonky his eye looks again' -- and to focus on the positives.

I should take a lesson from Logan and live in the moment.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and for sharing our journey with your prayer warrior friends. I believe that prayer can change everything. Blessings to you all!