I'm approaching tomorrow floating in an odd mixture of happiness and sadness. I'm happy because with just a few small and generally short-lived exceptions, Logan has had a great 6 days at home. I'm sad because, well, they're over, and he'll be heading back to Children's at some point tomorrow to begin round two. We won't know the timing until we hear from Philippa in the morning, but we're guessing mid-afternoon.
We've spent most of the week at home just 'being'. And it's been awesome. One of the most rewarding (and shockingly non-productive) weeks I've had in a long, long while. It was so gratifying to see and experience the return of my cuddlebug after a long absence. As painful as it is to see it now, we came to the realization that Logan's increasingly aggressive behaviors -- which began in April or May and plagued me and my senses until we found ourselves officially on this wild ride -- were probably the result of pain from the tumor that he was either unable or unwilling to explain. Why? Because since the surgery and his subsequent recovery from both it, the second surgery AND chemo, he's reverted back to the Original Logan. The one who's hardly ever aggressive, the one who can't help but smile at everything, the one who's affable and friendly and simply magnetic. In essence, he's HIMSELF once again. He's back to being the kid who asks to cuddle on the couch, who kisses his unborn baby brother and talks with him daily, who says I love you without any sort of prompting or pressure. I didn't realize how much I'd missed him until he came back. It sort of gives new meaning to the concept of losing one's life to gain it.
I'll just touch quickly on today before I head to bed and start coping in earnest with the onslaught of emotion that I'm sure is lurking just over the horizon. Logan had an appointment with an optho at Children's this morning. We were pleased to find that his eye hasn't been damaged in any sort of way -- no serious swelling, no edema, no optic nerve damage -- despite it still being largely inwardly turned. The doctor said that it could take upwards of six months for the nerve to resolve itself, and that if it doesn't, surgery to help retrain the muscles will be an option. The whole idea of eye surgery makes me squirm. But we'll deal. For the time being, she told us to patch his left (good) eye for 2 to 3 hours a day in order to force him to use the right one. As it is now, he ignores the right eye completely and is essentially training his left eye to believe it doesn't exist. This isn't good, so patching is needed to help prevent long-term damage to his vision in the right eye. Please pray for the patching response because he WILL NOT like it. At all.
Later this afternoon, we braved the 100+ degree heat and met up with the fabulous Chrissy of Bella Luna Studios again (thanks!) to take a few more photos. I'll post when I have them, but suffice it to say that she did (as always) an excellent job and we got some really, really wonderful shots.
Anyway, I need to get to bed. Please continue to pray for complete healing for Logan, as always. As each day passes, I become more and more convinced that it CAN happen and that God wants Logan to be well again. Please also pray for our transition to the hospital routine tomorrow. Logan has mentioned several times already that he doesn't want to go back, so I know he'll take it hard. We all will.
Thank you for your prayers and support. Blessings to you and your families.