Pastor Mike came by earlier and we sat and chatted for quite a while. Or more accurately, I prattled on while he mostly listened and Logan slept. He posed an interesting question near the end of our conversation: Is what will happen in life completely pre-determined, or can prayer change things? He just threw it out there without giving his pastoral opinion, but it got my mind a'churning.
Of course prayer can change things, I thought. Look back at Ninevah. God was going to destroy it but changed His plan when the people prayed.
And then I stopped. Then what have I been stressing over? Why haven't I been rallying my troops, my prayer warriors, bombarding you with big requests and bigger hopes? Why have I been waking up every single morning feeling as if the outcome of this battle is already decided so why bother asking for what my soul truly desires? Why have I given up on praying the BIG prayer?
Of course, the answer to the last question is easy: I'm human. Bad things are happening. My son is suffering. A LOT. It's been a tremendously frustrating month. And it's very, very hard to find God in the midst of this particular brand of suffering. (Trust me: It is.)
So despite the disappointment of the past few weeks and the delays and my failure to 'find' God in any of it, I'm officially re-rallying my troops. Please, for the sake of my little sunshine, intercede. We want the restoration of health and of my family. And we want God to make Himself known in big, bold ways as He does so. I can't promise I won't backslide. This journey, to be blunt, sucks. But God can redeem it ALL.
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