About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Truth

It seems that I can't go a single day without hearing some variation of it:

I don't know how you do it. I could never handle everything on your plate right now. I'd lose my mind.

I have a little routine: I hear the familiar words, smile, say that I do what I have to do because there's no other option, and then typically change the subject to something else. I see no need in dwelling; I'm not a superperson and I'm no more mentally, emotionally or physically equipped to cope with the hand we've been dealt than another other mother on the planet. While it would be tremendously self-gratifying to feel like I am unusually strong or remarkable -- and I do secretly love the praise -- it would also be disingenuous. I must give credit where it's due: The reality is that I'm strong because Christ makes me strong, day in and day out, regardless of whether or not I want to be.

Believe me when I say that there are days when I want to pull the covers over my head and remain enveloped in the warmth of my bed. Even now, I wake up every morning, come to the realization all over again that no, it's not all just a bad dream, and feel a modicum of frustration. And then I say a prayer (or 100), get up, and move on. Because it's what I have to do, and more importantly, because He gives me the strength to do it.

Now that doesn't mean that I'm okay with it all. I may feel a general sense of peace most of the time, but I'm still annoyed with God that Logan is suffering. (And truthfully, that any child at all has to suffer with cancer.) I tell Him every day that I'm annoyed, frustrated, upset, mad, whatever emotion it is that prevails at a given moment. He takes it. He knows how I feel. And the awesome thing is that despite my rantings and ravings, He still makes me strong each and every day.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is remarkable. I know that as a plain old human, I don't store that kind of grace in my personal reserves. I can't withstand someone yelling at me for hours on end and questioning my motivations and then turn around and not only forgive it, but hand the complainer an incredible gift.

And that's the truth.

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And because this is Logan's blog (insert clever smilie here), I'll also update that his ANC was up to 900-something this morning and his WBC is 1.4, so he will be released this afternoon. Next up is the pivotal MRI on February 1st.

Thank you, as always, for your prayers!

7 comments:

  1. Yay Logan, and thank God! I pray Logan enjoys home for a-LOT longer this time!! Love to you and your family.

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  2. YAY for release! Thank you Lord! Your message moves me and inspires me -- esp. after I've spent more time today that I'd care to confess yelling at my kids. Thank you for reminding me what a true Parent's love looks like!

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  3. What a beautiful day for Logan to be home. I hope the sunshine brings a smile to his face! I am thinking of you often, and I'm praying you receive great news on February 1st.

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  4. Passing along the prayers of my coworkers, Sherry. Praying for Logan!

    When you decide to publish your blog posts in a book, I will be first in line to buy it - you're such a beautiful writer. Love and hugs to all of you!

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  5. I will continue to pray for all of you, Sherry. I have also shared Logan's story with my church and they continue to pray for you all on a daily basis.

    As someone else posted above, thank you for the reminder of a true Parent's love and what it looks like. I couldn't have said it better than you did.

    (((hugs)))

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  6. Hip Hip Hooray! Yay that your personal sonshine gets to be released to enjoy some refreshing sunshine from outside the walls of CHO. We continue to pray for complete healing for Logan, strength and grace for you and Adam, amazing news from the MRI on Feb. 1st, and peace that passes understanding for Abby, Isaac, and Brady. I am so thankful that God meets you wherever you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually each and every morning, and is filling you up so that you can travel this journey together! Thank you again for sharing all of this with all of us : )

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  7. Yay for Logan comin' home!!
    Continued prayers for getting healthy, keeping healthy, good family time, and complete demolishment of the cancer! Prayers over the upcoming MRI, for awesome news!
    Hugs

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