Today's update comes to you mid-afternoon -- ta da! -- because for once, Brady is napping and Isaac is watching Curious George. I know better than to tempt fate (not a fan of that word, but you know what I mean) so I'll type quickly.
Logan is having an 'okay' day. His temperature apparently went up last night but never crossed 100 so it didn't count as a fever. Adam said he's lower-energy and his WBC is still less than .1 (insert sigh of disappointment), but at least his hemoglobin and platelets are still okay, so no transfusions today.
The doctor is going to have some test done to try to determine if his line is infected since he's had the same bacteria pop up and cause problems two cycles in a row. If it is, he'll have to have it replaced... again. I'm suspicious because we never had problems with his line -- no infections, no issues with flushing -- until it was replaced on Thanksgiving after The Incident. The new line that was placed has presented problem after problem, and it's extremely frustrating.
This whole thing is just incredibly trying. We're once again stuck in a holding pattern that's keeping my family apart and I'm fighting resentful feelings.
Speaking of resentful feelings, I have a confession to make. I know I'm big on saying that I value honesty and that I try to be completely straight about everything when I write. But I have been dishonest about one thing: When I think of all of the people I know and realize how many haven't said a word to us about Logan's illness, it really hurts me. A lot.
I know, I know: So many people don't know what to say. And I get that. But I've hinted that I'd like to hear from you all repeatedly, yet there are still so many folks who I'd once considered good friends who've yet to say a single word. If you feel too awkward to contact me now, that's okay. But please: If a similar situation arises for another friend down the line, please don't make the same mistake with him or her. It's really painful to feel like others don't care enough to take 30 seconds to send a single PM, even if it just says 'know that I'm thinking of you' or 'you're all in my prayers'. I'm sorry if this is really blunt; like I said, I'm typing really fast and don't have the time to filter my thoughts adequately. I don't want to alienate anyone, so feel free to take it all with a grain of salt if you wish. Just trying to be as real as possible, lest someone else should be spared a similar pain in the future.
Best to you all and thanks again for your support.
I have tried to comment before, but just realized you never got them because I didn't sign in (duh). I'm not sure how I happened upon your blog but I have been following for about a month. I also recently realized you are in Oakland which is in my neck of the woods, we live in the east bay in a little town named Clayton, I'm sure you've never heard of it. I pray everyday for your family. I can't imagine what you are going through. Don't be sorry about being blunt (or for saying anything you feel like saying for that matter). Your heart is open and you say it like it is. That's ok. I have made the mistake of not saying anything to a friend who was going through a rough time and I lost some good people in my life because of it. Lesson learned. I hope the people you are referring to reach out to you. I know you realize they didn't know what to say and kept silent out of fear of saying the wrong thing. I hope they know that you need all the love you can get right now and just send a message to say hi, how ya doin. Love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that some friends aren't reaching out to you. :( As you know, the silence was the worst part for me after my late term loss, and I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in a similar situation. I know that everyone is thinking of you and praying for you, and I hope they will let you know that. "Not knowing what to say" isn't a good excuse when you think about what you're enduring.
ReplyDeleteSending love and hugs and prayers.
((((Sherry)))) I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I have no words of wisdom, just my heartfelt prayers of having been there. All my prayers for strength, comfort and encouragement for you; and continual prayers of healing for Logan.
ReplyDeleteI'm really taken aback that people can know what you are going through and not say anything. I am sorry you have that on top of the actual problem.
ReplyDeleteKris
Bravo for your honesty. It really is a good thing! I truly think that there are many people who just are in such awe of you and your strength that they keep quiet. That is no excuse however. I know just a simple inquiry or "I'm sorry" is helpful for me to hear regarding my Dads illness. Thank you for that, by the way. Along with your honesty, it is equally important that you keep telling people what you need. You are an incredibly smart woman so I know you know all this!
ReplyDeleteSending my love to Logan and your family!