About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Friday, December 10, 2010


I could call this whole experience something less dramatic, but it wouldn't be true to how it feels because watching Logan go through this process is torture, pure and simple. My heart feels so twisted, so broken, so shattered that I wonder how I'll ever get beyond it all.

Today wasn't a good day. Although per his morning bloodwork, his numbers held steady from yesterday so he didn't need any transfusions, he really struggled with tummy and throat pain. The bright, energetic little boy who'd returned to us earlier this week is gone once again, replaced instead by his Chemo Twin: The sunken-eyed, tired, crying soul that we'd seen in the past.

It crushed me today every time I saw him wince upon swallowing. Every time he pulled his legs up to his chest and cried that his tummy hurt. When I had to hold him down so Adam could give him his GCSF shot this evening, it was like a knife to my gut. And just minutes ago, when I tried to talk to him and got no response, and then when he asked me to go away because he didn't want to cuddle, gunshots to my... everything.

I know that part of my role here as 'The Mother' is to step back and realize that there are ups and downs with every experience I've had and will have as a parent. There are and will continue to be sweet, good times, but there are also hard times in the now and to come that will absolutely break my heart. Somehow, I didn't really expect to have to deal with the latter until my children were teenagers. Watching a sweet-natured 4-year old suffer to this kind of degree is painful beyond measure. And if I'm being honest -- really, really honest -- it makes me look at God cock-eyed. Again. Come on: There are disgusting child molesters, killers, just plain mean-spirited people out there who get perfectly healthy bodies, in a physical sense. But my little darling, who is truly one of the sweetest, kindest people I know, is saddled with this crap. I know that life isn't fair and that suffering across the board is uneven from one to the next, but come on.

I also know how easy it is to judge me for saying that. After the amazing things she's seen, she's still questioning the goodness of God? Come on now! In defense of myself, it's not that I think the Amazing Things milk train has run out of gas or left the station; I think there are still more amazing things to come. My heart needs, wants and believes in them (much of the time, anyway). But the down days, the sick days, the ones when I can feel his suffering are just so hard to handle, so hard to swallow, so hard to cope with that it can be hard to keep any faith at all.

In terms of the technical stuff, Philippa said today when I spoke with her that he doesn't need to check back into the hospital unless he spikes a fever or we can't manage his pain level at home, so mucocitis isn't the automatic ticket back that we'd assumed it was. She said we could call in for a prescription for Tylenol with codeine to see if that would help; we'd just need to take his temp first and then give it to him. So that was encouraging, even if it makes me sad to think that he's been hit with that awful, painful mouth and throat pain all over again. If it could only be me instead.

Meanwhile, from a comfort perspective, I want this baby out. Soon. I've gained so much weight, am so puffy and am so horribly uncomfortable that I just want to have him and move on with figuring out the details post-birth. I don't want to be saddled with a longer labor; the birthing process is really the easiest part of pregnancy for me (by far, actually), so a long labor would be so disappointing on so many levels, given the context of the entire latter half of this year.

Anyway, Logan needs prayers for a quick recovery from mucocitis (since I'm pretty sure he has it), resistance to fevers and increased energy. My spirit feels like it's breaking -- though not yet broken, per se -- so I need lots of help with that.

Thank you as always for walking this path along with us.


  1. Praying Sherry. Praying praying praying. My heart breaks for you, for Logan. I can't imagine having to watch him go through such painful moments, and all you want to do is make it go away and be done with it. So heartbreaking.
    Don't beat yourself up at all or worry for a second about what anybody might think about being negative or worried or not understanding how or why God could allow this to happen! I would be the same way! I think basically any other parent on the face of this earth, no matter how strong their faith might be, would have many MANY times of doubt and questioning. The love that we have for our children is one of the greatest things in this world and we just want to protect them from anything bad -- especially something as horrible as cancer!
    We are here for you ALL the time, not just on the "good note" days. Don't be afraid of the doubt. Don't feel bad about the days you are, well, pissed off at God. You are allowed to feel all those things! (Not like you need my permission :) I"m just saying, I think anybody reading your blog or who knows you and your family just knows that these are not unreasonable or unwarranted feelings and thoughts to have.)
    Love you guys so much and praying our hearts out for Logan, for you and Adam, for precious Abby and Isaac, and for sweet baby boy coming soon. Hugs.

  2. I would like you to know that my kids prayed with me for Logan tonight so he had two more people asking for good things for him. No one would ever judge you in your feelings. On the contrary, I would say your family astound me in your strength. I would like to send you as much strength a I can and power in your questions. Hoping baby 4 come soon and easy.

  3. (((Sherry))) Even 12 years into this journey I still have days in my heart like today was for you. It doesn't mean you doubt God and His miracles for Logan - it just means you are human. And you know what? He understands, we understand. They are true feelings for a down day. Praying that tomorrow will be a better day for Logan and that he is back to a more "Logan-like" feeling; and therefore Mom can be back to a better feeling.

    ((((love and prayers))))

  4. I just said the Rosary and lit candles for you all. I wish I was closer to help you Sherry with ANYthing. I am praying for you all and huge huge ((((hugs))))

  5. Praying for Logan's throat and his tummy. Praying always for complete healing in his brain. Praying for your spirit, Sherry. Praying for Quatro to have a safe and speedy delivery ASAP!

  6. My heart breaks for you all too. Will continue to pray

  7. Sherry I will pray so hard for Logan to get some comfort from all this pain, and to avoid fevers. It would be amazing for him to just turn a corner and feel 100% better today. It CAN happen.

    I think of you all several times a day, and pray for you ever single time. (((hugs))) from NY.

  8. Oh, Sherry. How could anyone judge you? :( What you're dealing with is beyond comprehension. Why is that sweet little boy suffering? Why is this allowed to happen? I think we're all questioning it. Know that you and Logan will be on my mind all day long.

  9. Ugh. Praying for comfort for his sweet little body. And now that your whole family is home where it should be, I'm praying for a quick easy labor for you, too. ;) Love you!