Exhaustion

I've cried so many tears today that my eyes are nearly swollen shut and Heaven knows that I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, but I simply could not go to bed without posting one more time.

When I've asked for prayers for very specific things over the course of the past four months, they've been answered. I asked for recovery during the infamous cycle two, and it began not even 45 minutes later, much to everyone's surprise. I asked for Logan to be home on Thanksgiving, and although it wasn't exactly as I'd imagined, he was. I asked for Logan to be home for Brady's birth, and he was, even if once again, it wasn't as I'd wanted. I asked that he avoid fevers during cycle 3 and be home until the start of cycle 4, and he was. That all shows that God hears our prayers for my little sunshine.

So now I'm coming back to you again with yet more requests (and honestly, I could think of hundreds of requests, so I'm trying to pare down a bit) for the next 10 days. I've said before that I just want him home for Christmas, but given what's happened with respect to me failing to be specific enough, I want to expand on that: I want Logan to be home for Christmas long enough to actually enjoy the season a little. I want him to be able to have fun, to feel well and to enjoy the holiday with his family as any 4-year old boy should be able to do. So in short, please pray for healing if there's merely mucositis involved, and more healing if there's an infection at play. Pray against the fevers that are plaguing him (it was still 103 as of this evening). Pray for his energy level to rebound and his pain to dissipate. And pray for him to be able to join us all at home again very, very soon: Not at the last second of Christmas Eve, not on Christmas Day, but SOONer. I feel selfish and weird for asking for something so specific, but my heart cries out for it.

It's not that I want to be impatient with whatever it is that God is doing. It's that I want my child to be able to have fun this time of year. He loves Christmas and all of the stories and sparkles that go along with it, and he DESERVES to be able to celebrate them with his family, bar none. It breaks my heart to think of him at CHO on 12/25, particulary since if he were there, he'd be on contact precautions thanks to the fever, so he wouldn't be allowed to see any of his siblings. It would break all of their little hearts, and to be blunt, we've all suffered a bit too much heartache lately. I know God hears our prayers, and I want to be certain that this one goes up in droves. I'm not setting a date, per se, just asking that it be a few days before Christmas and that he feel well.

And as always, please continue to pray for complete and permanent healing of his cancer.

Thank you all and good night.