Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I feel like my heart is a few inches from breaking. Molly called Adam this afternoon from CHO to tell him that Logan had spiked a fever... of 103. So he's officially stuck there until either he's afebrile for a few days and his pain level is under control, or his ANC recovers to 200. Last cycle, that happened on cycle day 20, cycle 2 it was day 23. I can't even explain how upset I am. I was so excited, so happy, so... well, lots of positive emotions... for the first time in a long while. And now... more fear. Fear about being alone with Abby, Isaac and Brady for a long while, fear about Logan not recovering in time for Christmas at home. On top of post-partum tiredness, it's almost more than I can take. I'd ask God why, but figure there's not a point. After all, why try to understand this one bit of the puzzle when the whole darn thing is so incomprehensible as it is? I feel like we get a tease of goodness, and then it's torn away again. I'm tired of this merry-go-round and wish we could just get off.