About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

MRI #3 - Shattered, but NOT Destroyed.

I've had a few hours to sit around and really chew on the results of yesterday's MRI. As I posted to those of you who are connected to me on Facebook, the news isn't good. It's cold, hard and unexpected. I feel like we let our guard down in one particular area and Satan swooped in and did his dirty work when we weren't looking.

In short, the main tumor remained stable, but the cancer has spread to his spinal column. There are now 5 3 to 5 mm tumors located along the nerve fibers beside the L2 vertebrae in his spine. In hindsight, when Dr. T took a look at last month's read, he said he could see the beginnings of them there after all.

So where does this leave us? Enmeshed in uncertainty of the absolute worst kind. What happens next hinges on the results of a spinal tap that will happen either tomorrow or Friday. We have a timeslot on Friday at 1:50 PM, but we're hoping for a cancellation that will get us in tomorrow instead, as results take 24 hours to come back and to be blunt, it would suck to have to sit on it all weekend long. If the fluid comes back clear of AT/RT cells, he'll continue forward with the original plan and have surgery on Tuesday to remove the main mass in his brain and then on to the transplant cycle. If cancer cells are present in the fluid, the team will have to meet to choose a different chemotherapy regimen to get the tumors in his spine under control, and the main tumor will remain surgically untouched for the time being. Obviously, our fervent prayer is that the spinal fluid will come back clear so we can continue to move forward with treatment.

Even then, however, we're still likely looking at two transplant cycles rather than just one, so we'll need to harvest more stem cells at some point, and the radiation therapy protocol will change dramatically, since ALL affected areas need to be hit.

I'm frustrated that I wasn't more focused on praying against the spread of the disease. Adam and I were both beyond shocked to get the report and I immediately chided myself for not remembering to pray over that regularly. Evil is sneaky: It finds our weak spots and enters if we're not careful.

Adam's mom came at 2 and picked up Abby, Logan and Isaac (Brady was a no-go because I couldn't pump enough milk; he thankfully wound up napping for several hours) so we could have a chance to just be together, reflect, talk, and hear what the oncologist had to say when he called.

I can't express how utterly devastated I was to hear the words "spots in his spinal column". After all my little sunshine has been through, after all of the pain and suffering our entire family has had to endure, now this? NOW? I was crushed, kicked, shattered, beaten... but somehow, not destroyed.

Of course I've spent most of the afternoon crying and have a pounding headache to show for it. But I'm not without hope, not even now when things look bad. When I felt the walls caving in, I went in search of a Bible, prayed for encouragement, for God to speak to me in my time of desperation and pain -- torture, really -- and I flipped the Good Book open. It landed in the middle of Acts 5. And as blessings would have it, my eye immediately settled on the subhead to a particular story on the page:

The Apostles Heal Many People.

First I laughed, then I cried a little more, because truly, God meets you when you seek. And He gave me perfect encouragement despite the gravity of our circumstances.

That's not to say that I'm not scared, because I most certainly am. I'm terrified. I'm more on edge than I've ever been over the course of my 33 years. But I'm also not without hope. Things haven't gone as we'd prayed they would, but God is still in the business of miracles. I said long ago that I felt as if this would get very, very scary before it would truly get better. I've also always said -- if only to myself -- that I want this to be a story of redemption and a story of miracles. A testament to the awesome power of God. Miracles, I believe, are only truly miraculous if things look horribly bleak before they happen. Bad circumstances give God the chance to shine and to bring glory to His own name. It may be selfish of me, but I think this has become the ideal miracle-making situation.

I will doggedly continue to pray for my sunshine's complete and total healing on this side of heaven. A better person might demurely pray 'not my will but Yours be done', but I'm going to be real here: I want my Logan-ey to survive. I want his survival to be a testament to the greatness of God, to the power of prayer and to the reality that miracles really do happen in this broken, fallen world. But most of all, because I love him with such a fierceness and intensity and he's such a part of my own being that I can't imagine life without his smile, his dancing, his I Love Yous and most basic of all, his presence. He's an integral, essential, invaluable and irreplaceable member of our family. And I refuse to give him up without a fight. I refuse to let evil win. And I plan to aggressively, stubbornly and continually plead my case to God for his survival.

Please keep praying for Logan's healing. Pray that God will truly hear and respond to our prayers and pray that a miracle will happen. If you're here reading and can figure out how to post, let me know that you've read this and will join me in ramping up the intercession. Thank you for your support and your prayers. They mean more than I could ever express.

37 comments:

  1. Reading along Sherry, and praying more than ever for God to creat a miracle, as only He can. Praying tonight Sherry, and always for Logan, and strength for you. I simply do not know how you are doing it.

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  2. I'm on board for that! Praying for all of you.

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  3. My heart sank when I read the update on Logan's MRI. Fear not, I'm still praying, as are countless others. I'm thinking of you and your little ray of sunshine.

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  4. Please rest assured that I am praying fervently for you and Logan and your entire family. I could not believe in your miracle more, and I say that with all sincerity. You are a perfect example of faith in action, and I fully expect and believe that God will reward that in Logan's healing. Please know you all are loved and that a whole bunch of people are praying and yes, begging on your behalf. We believe in you, Logan, and the power of our mighty God!

    As always, please let us know if we can help.

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  5. Reading, praying, crying, and rallying my troops here.

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  6. Praying and sending all of my thoughts to you.

    Praying that the fluid will be clear.

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  7. Warrior prayers are going up to heaven and covering your little Logan! Be covered in prayers--miracles can and do happen!! Joanne

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  8. The kids and I held hands and prayed strongly over Logan tonight. We prayed for the very things you have listed here in this post. Let's fight for Logan and ask for a miracle.

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  9. Praying praying praying!

    Please do not beat yourself up. God's purposes are not thwarted because you didn't know specifically what to pray for. Instead:

    "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." (Rom 8:26-27)

    You have been faithful, and this MRI result is not a result of anything you have or haven't done. God is merciful and gracious, and He loves you. He loves Logan. And we all stand around you now promising our continued love and intercessions.

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  10. I'm so sorry that this wasn't good news. Continuing to pray for full recovery for Logan.

    Kris

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  11. Amen to Jen's post. The spots didn't occur because you didn't pray exactly for that. "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." (Ps 139:16b). Continuing to pray for complete healing for Logan.

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  12. I am so mad at the news with you. I am so sorry as well. But he will continue to fight and you will continue to be his advocate and fight with him and for him. I know you can do it and you HAVE done it and you will continue to do so. I wish I was there, wish I was his nurse so I could be there more for you then thru the computer. Know that you and Logan and your family are always on my mind and in my prayers and my heart. He WILL beat this!

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  13. Praying for you and your family! None of this is your fault.

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  14. I haven't posted a comment before but I have been reading this blog for quite some time (Kari Jackson is a friend of mine on Facebook). Logan and the rest of your family are in my prayers constantly. I've shared his story with family members in the effort of recruiting more prayer warriors for your family.

    We will continue to pray for miracles and complete healing.

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  15. Praying for total and complete healing for Logan every night.

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  16. Weeping with you, praying FOR you...always.

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  17. Hey sweetie,
    I'm here. Every day. Trying really hard to find the right words but all I can find are tears. Just know that I am praying for all of you.
    lo.

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  18. Our entire family is praying as well for all of you and for complete healing for Logan. I am truly encouraged by your post and I pray that this is just the dark night before the miracle that God will show us.

    We also lifted Logan and your family up at the prayer meeting at church tonight

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  19. Our family continues to lift up Logan and all of you in prayer. We believe in miracles and are here for you!

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  20. Praying that our all-powerful, merciful, loving God will totally heal Logan.

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  21. Hi Sherry- I've been reading your posts along this terribly rough road that you are traveling on. It breaks my heart every day to read what you, Logan and your family are going through. I am praying for you and Logan to have strength and courage, and especially for Logan to come out of this being a completely healed little boy. We miss you all! ---Renee Notari

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  22. Praying and thinking of you all.
    sandra

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  23. Sherry, I was so sorry to read this news. I'll pray a rosary for Logan today. Also, wanted to let you know that I added his name (and circumstances) to the prayer intentions box at the Adoration Chapel I go to.

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  24. Praying for a miraculous, full recovery for Logan.

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  25. Trying to figure out how to post here and let you know that I am praying.

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  26. Continuing to cry out to God with you and for your precious little boy! Praying for every member of your family as you endure this horrible situation. Your little sonshine obviously inherited great things from you and Adam. You continue to praise God and believe in His awesome truth! Your family has become a beacon of light to so many. . .Still praying.

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  27. Wights:

    I'm still here; I've never left off praying for Logan's miracle and I won't. I'm praying for His peace and His strength for you all as you push on through this nightmare that is cancer.

    Jenifer McIntyre

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  28. We are praying for you.

    -The Stikeleathers

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  29. I heard about Logan through a mutual friend that you and I have, Sherry. I have never met you all, but we are a fellow Shining Light Preschool family. Just wanted to say that I'm reading along and Logan will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

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  30. Sherry, we are here and praying. Please give me a call or email so we can see what I may be able to work with getting you all into a protocol.

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  31. Sherry, I am Reece's "mimi" and I have shared your story with so many as I continue to pray for Logan, you and your family...that you might feel God's presence and peace...and of course a complete healing!
    christina Lux

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  32. Received word about Logan through my sister who works with Linda Lee in Frederick, Maryland. I live in Illinois. I am praying for all of you.

    Diane

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