About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Y'all know by now that I have a proclivity for using the current time in my entries. It's an easy way to start writing when I know I want to share but just don't know how to start or what to say. It's sort of like discussing the weather: It's a harmless, even boring connector to more serious thoughts. So we'll see where I wind up this time.

I'm at home with Brady now, and Adam is in the PICU at CHO with Logan. Per Dr. Sun's orders, my sunshine is heavily sedated, intubated and attached to more machines than I can count. I'm not sure that you know heartbreak until you see your child lying completely helpless on a stark, white bed inside a curtain-lined, flourescent-lit room filled with a dozen other ill children. It's like being kicked in the heart. You want nothing more than to pick him up and hold him and hug him, but you can't. You can simply hold his hand, touch his cheeks or rub his leg. And with Logan this afternoon, even those inocuous, muted gestures of affection were risky, as he grew agitated and thrashed whenever he heard our voices nearby.

On some level, I'm probably still reeling over this afternoon's scare and coping with yet more crushing disappointment. But it's all very metered pain and frustration, probably because I'm tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally tired. Minutes after Dr. Sun let us know what had happened, I felt the anger rise inside my chest and I lashed out at God: WHY?! Why are you continuing to allow these things to happen? Why is my sweet, wonderful Logan such a target for such evil? Why won't you JUST HEAL HIM?!

But there was no response. At least, no words came to mind; no comforting verses surfaced from nowhere, no audible soundbytes floated from heaven and rested on my ear. At first I wondered why; why wasn't I getting confirmation that things were okay, that God was in on what was going on and most importantly, that he was there taking care of Logan? Doesn't He care? How could He do this?

It's torture wondering those things and feeling so helpless. Every time I allow myself to get upset, to get angry, I feel my heart fill with what I can only describe as a toxic, counterproductive rage. And then there's a beat, and I'm faced with two distinct paths: Continued anger, or acceptance. When I choose wisely, my thinking turns in another direction. And it happened that way today.

I remembered that God has given me confirmation of His healing power many times in the past. And I wondered if maybe, just maybe, despite today's happenings, I'm supposed to continue to rest in the Lord. Maybe I'm intended to take what I've already been given and allow it to comfort me now, even though I can't see God at the moment, I can't hear His voice and He hasn't sent me any new, tangible wisdom. After all, that's what faith is all about: Believing -- and continuing to believe -- that God is good and has a plan for all of us, even when things look dark and when times seem most desperate.

If I'm being honest, I can see God working in what happened in the OR. I didn't mention it previously, but Logan's platelets had risen substantially from last week, according to yesterday's lab work. He jumped from 69 to 129 over 4 days. It may not seem a huge deal, but when you consider that he'd been gaining 4 to 5 per day for the past few weeks, 129 was a huge number, and not terribly far off from normal range (low end 150). In addition, his clotting factors were also normal as of yesterday. Without a good platelet count and normal clotting factors, he could've bled out today easily. But he didn't. So I'm thankful to God for anticipating the strike and acting not only in the moment to help Dr. Sun and the team locate and stop the bleed quickly, but pre-emptively as well. What a blessing.

That's not to say that having faith in the midst of trying circumstances is easy. It's not. It's incredibly hard. It's hard to let go of the control, of the notion that somehow, I can fix what's going on with my dear little boy. It's hard to feel helpless. So I do what I can, ceaselessly crying out to God on my sunshine's behalf and bugging all of you to continue praying, to pass this blog on to your praying friends and their friends and their friends and on and on. To ensure that Logan is wrapped in a tightly woven blanket of prayers and held up to God with the hope of receiving His healing touch. My heart aches for that touch; for the fingertip of God to simply brush Logan's cheek and eradicate every evil cell that's taken up residence in his body.

So that's where I am. Or more precisely, where you can find my heart. (Or, even more precisely, the part of my heart that isn't lying on a bed in the PICU at CHO. Because the old saying is true: Having a child is like watching a piece of your heart walk around outside your body.) Despite my worries, my fears, my anguish and my exhaustion, I'm continuing to pray for healing, for God to reach out and brush Logan's cheek. I don't know when it will happen or how, but I wait for it, I pray for it.

In a more immediate term, I pray that the pressure in Logan's brain will remain stable and steady through the next 48 hours, and that whenever they choose to wake him from his induced slumber, he'll still be the wonderful, sweet, incredible boy that God created him to be. I pray that the resection will be rescheduled for as soon as is prudent, and that it will be wildly, unbelievably successful. Because as I believe, God is still in the miracle business, and I may be his mama, but I feel like Logan deserves a truly amazing one.

Please keep praying these things along with me. Please don't be discouraged, because discouraged people fail to pray and give evil a foothold to bring about havoc. Please stay strong for our family and for Logan. Keep your resolve and remember him when you eat breakfast, when you see a child riding a tricycle, when you see a toy car, when the sun sets on another day.

Thank you all and good night.


  1. So many hugs and prayers for you all. I don't quite know what to say, but to just repeat your own words and prayers. I hope Gd touches Logan with His healing hand and we pray for him and for your entire family.

  2. God bless and keep Logan, may His healing hand be laid upon this child. In Christ's name - Christy

  3. Prayers and more prayers headed your way and especially for Logan. God has already done amazing things, not just for Logan but in your family and faith being a witness to what it means to "wait on the Lord". My heart is breaking with yours, as I have been there. May God keep the swelling down in Logan's head and give you an extra portion of comfort and His presence today.

  4. My is heart is heavy but I also can't help but celebrate and be thankful for those wonderful pieces of protection God gave to Logan before and during yesterday's surgery. I'm really glad you brought those to light and shared what God did, because you're right ~ we definitely need to celebrate those and thank God for them. I'm also truly thankful (and quite amazed) that God is watching out for you Sherry, and somehow holding your hope in His hand and letting you share that hope with all of Logan's prayer warriors. I realize the anger and discouragement during times like this are probably still there lurking, but you are so right that too much of it turns into counterproductiveness in the fight for Logan. I am just stunned that you can (and are!) taking that path of fighting the anger off so you can continue to pray and be hopeful for your sunshine -- that is God acting if I ever saw it! Praise God!
    Praying strong along with you, Mama, that Logan will "come out" ok and that they will go back in as soon as is wisely possible. Praying that we'll look back on this procedure and realize why it happened the way it did, that we would be able to see God's reasoning and proclaim to others how great He is to have orchestrated it all this way. Praying the biggest prayer of all, that God would touch Logan and get rid of ALL of the cancer and seal up his little body in protection from it ever returning!!
    Love, hugs, and positivity being sent your way!

  5. Rest in God's arms. He IS holding all of you extra close. We are praying!

    Linda Lee

  6. I updated the choir tonight on the events today. We continue to pray for protection, healing, patience and strength for your entire family! God certainly is still in the miracle business so we will simply wait to see WHEN the next miracle will occur on this journey.