It's been a mentally tough couple of days for me. Despite the doctor's assertion that Logan's eye mobility and appearance is normal, fear has rooted itself in my heart and I can't free myself of its clutches. I'm scared. I watched him like a hawk all weekend, waiting for any kind of slight improvement, but it didn't happen. After several weeks of looking normal or near-normal, it's decidedly off-kilter. Given that that same sign was our indicator of the cancer last year, my heart is camped in my throat and I am nearly sick with worry.
I know: Worry can't add a day to my life or make anything better. But Logan is my sunshine. My sweetheart.
My struggles with God have continued; with why He's allowed the past year's events to come to pass. With the horrific nature of suffering. With conflating the concept of an all-good God with this kind of anguish. But for now, I have to put all of that aside, scrape up the remnants of my battered faith and ask all of Logan's prayer warriors to once again take up their armor and help him and our family.
It's a battleground, as I've said many a time before. My fervent prayer is that this time, it's just me who's under attack; merely my sensibilities and my emotions that are sustaining the blows. That Logan is still well and cancer-free. I feel ill when I think of the last year and how hard it was on our family, and it pains me nearly to despair when I worry that it could happen again; that another round of that kind of fractured existence could be in our future. The fact that it's 2:30 a.m. and I'm once again writing in the black stillness of my bedroom should reveal how serious I am.
So prayers warriors, I'm asking for your help. I'm asking you to please pray for Logan's health and healing in a mighty way. Please pray that his eye will right itself and that it is indeed merely a muscular/nerve issue as the doctor guessed. It's the primary outward indicator of trouble and as it is now, it's making me near mad. For the rest of us, I ask for peace and wisdom.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing this with your praying friends and for interceding for our wonderful, beautiful son.
God - I live up Sherry. I pray that you would give her a sense of peace with her situation. I pray that you would comfort her regarding Logan's eye. If this condition truly is something the doctor missed, help all parties involved to take the next appropriate step and that this could be rectified immediately.
ReplyDeleteIf the doctor's diagnosis is correct, please help Logan's eye to go back to it's new normal. To begin healing again, in a drastic way. I pray that you would give Sherry and Adam and the doctors the wisdom to deal appropriately with Logan and his current state of health.
Just wanted to reassure you that I'm praying for you and Logan, for healing physically and emotionally. God bless you.
ReplyDeletePraying!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have my prayers always Sherry!
ReplyDelete