Something of a Turn in the Wrong Direction

My first night in the hospital in a long while was a very long one indeed. Logan's little roommate, who never seems to have a parent with her, was up every 20 minutes yelling and fussing, which of course awoke Logan too. And forget about me.

And the day hasn't been all that great, either. After a quick trip back home for a mom-daughter dance class, I returned to CHO just in time for Dr. T's rounds. He said that Logan's triglyceride number hadn't fallen much --only 1,000; they'd hoped for 6,000. As a result, he'll likely have a line placed in his leg in a day or two, and then undergo apheresis --blood spinning-- to remove the excess fat. He reiterated that he was puzzled by the mega high number and said he'd never seen anything like it happen. Anyway, it's likely that he'll be here in the hospital for at least another week. So for the second year running, Logan will be at CHO for my birthday. It sucks. And it makes me sad.

But ironically that's almost the *good* news. Despite Adam's report from yesterday, my interpretation of the doctor's assessment of Logan's MRI isn't so good. In short, he said that there are three areas of concern: The area in his thoracic region that I mentioned yesterday; his left 8th nerve (which is responsible for the facial palsy and hearing loss -- the area of contrast is apparently longer and fatter than it was); and a small spot in his lower spine that's a little larger than it was previously. The worst part, however, was when he said it was "likely" that there was tumor activity going on in one or all of those areas. I noted that the growth was pretty slow for AT/RT, and he agreed, but didn't say much else.

Hearing all of that absolutely sucked the life out of me. I suddenly felt hot and very, very sick. This walk is damn hard. I've found myself saying "Lord, please take this cup from us" over and over again, yet it's still here, pressed against our lips.

Please pray and believe in healing. Please. I just don't know what else to do.