Expectation

It's ironic, really. One of the hardest things about this journey we've been on with -my optimistic, sunshiny Logan is my own lack of expectation. My pessimism. A deep-seated, overarching, dominant feeling of dread and defeat that, to be honest, has dogged me throughout my life.

It's not that I think I can make truly outrageous things happen with a cheery smile and a good attitude. It's that I strongly suspect that we get no more than we expect. If I put God in a box, why would He do amazing things? If I don't anticipate them, expect them and sing praises when they happen, what good am I to the Kingdom of God?

Before you start to think I'm being sacreligious, think of it this way. Matthew and Mark and a bunch of other places in the Bible talk about praying with expectation that you will receive. Expectation. (Trust me, the concept is all over the place.)

So as a Christian, why don't I pray with expectation? Why do I beg and plead and cry out to the sky for help when the Bible also says that God is ALWAYS with us? It's a hurdle I've been trying to jump over for months now. Years, really.

But right now, I'm pressing myself hard to leap over it and pray with EXPECTATION. Belief. God made Logan into the utterly awesome (really, you should meet him) person he is. He didn't give this child disease or affliction. Satan did that because Logan is special. And now, as his mom and as someone who recognizes precisely what the devil is trying to do, I'm going to try my hardest to pray with expectation. To not feel sorry for myself or lament strikes by evil. To avoid allowing myself to be overcome by waves of hopelessness. Because that is precisely what Satan wants for me. He wants me to give up and let my guard down; he WANTS me to stop praying with expectation that we will receive. Why? Because Satan knows that prayer works. He knows that praying with expectation leads to results.

Anyway, that's my long-winded reflection and my longer-winded way of asking all of you to please pray with expectation for healing. Don't be sad over Dr. T's comments today, because that sadness can weaken your resolve. No, soldier on, praying with GREAT expectation and hope and belief. I have to be mindful that the devil manipulates my emotions, and I have to cast him away whenever I feel my resolve fade and my mood devolve.

Again, expectation is the key: Logan will be well. It's not about being delusional. No, it's about recognizing and claiming a truth that's been real since the beginning of time.

Now get to work! And thank you.