It's a fact of human life that some people live easier lives than others. I am not one of those people. Those who know me well would probably agree that I've suffered more pains and dodged through more obstacles than most people my age. (And according to some people, more than some others have weathered throughout the courses of very, very long lives.) So, my experiences color my view of God. And honestly, they fully explain why I have a hard time --a colossally hard time-- believing that God is 100% good.
Call me unteachable or unreachable if you will, but I don't appreciate it when people who haven't walked in my shoes criticize me. It's extraordinarily easy to sit in an ivory tower and say things like 'oh, yes, God is good. Oh, yes, if He asked for my child I'd give him up straight away.' But I'm here to call that out as complete hogwash. It's hard to be me. It's hard to feel the terror I feel every morning. It's hard to trust God with Logan. And I'm here to tell you that unless you're some sort of saint, you too would struggle just as much as I do with our current reality. You'd long for people to say and do helpful, positive things. You'd shy away from criticisms and less than helpful --although no doubt well-intended-- remarks.
Anyway, I suppose there's no real point to this post, other than to say that unless you have something to share that will build me up, please don't say anything at all. I've asked --repeatedly-- that folks refrain from preaching at me. I've said --repeatedly-- that I want only healing prayers, and that if you feel the need to pray in other directions, feel free, but please don't chip away at my hope by sharing your plans with me.
I'm sorry. I'm a little raw. A little chafed. And a lot exhausted. And frankly (and with all due respect), most of you haven't a clue.