MRI and the Hospital Stay

After an agonizing afternoon, Adam finally called me with the MRI 411. And it's something of a confusing mixed bag. Because you know, that's the way life has been for us for the past 17 months; the whole 'repeated opportunities to have more and more faith' effect.

The Good is that the edema in his spine has actually decreased some, which suggests that the Avastin may be working after all. Additional Good is that the spot in his lumbar region that had the radiologist in a tizzy back in November looks unchanged. The Not as Good is that a nodular spot --which apparently has been there all along; I hadn't realized there was anything nodular anywhere but Adam insisted there has been-- in the center of the bad radiation damage is about a millimeter bigger than it was 6 1/2 weeks ago.

Dr. T isn't sure what it is. No one's sure what it is. Such relatively slow growth isn't typical of AT/RT cells, so no one's jumping to that conclusion. However, it's concerning that a) it's there and b) it grew. So Dr. S the neurosurgeon took a look at the images and said he thought he could go in and get half to 2/3 of it, so that's what he'll do as soon as we can get his triglycerides stabilized and his platelet count improved.

I'm not pleased to be going back to Biopsy City, but I'm breathing a sigh of relief that his spine isn't rife with disease. Part of me had been utterly terrified that the MRI would show rampant disease everywhere, especially given how bad his clinical presentation has gotten in recent weeks. But that's not the case. So I'm thanking God for that, even in the midst of a situation that continues to be frustrating and frighteningly uncertain.

Anyway, the triglyceride level (coupled with too-high blood pressure) earned Logan a spot in the hospital through at least the weekend. I'm here with him tonight for the first time since he was first diagnosed in 2010, now that Brady will drink from a cup. He has a roommate, so there's ample noise from the other side of the room, but I'm hoping sleep will happen anyway. Dr. T is flummoxed by the triglyceride reading; apparently his former high water mark was 9,000, so Logan has that kid's figure beaten by quite a leap and a bound. He has no idea why the number skyrocketed, but they're doing what we can to help him, and are in touch with a doctor at UCSF who's done research on the subject.

I could choose to be really angry right now --especially since it looks like my birthday (1/11) will be ruined for the second year running-- but I feel a healthy modicum of peace over it all.

As I was re-installing the kids' carseats this evening before heading out to CHO, I felt a rush of anger. Toward the devil. I probably looked a little crazy as I ranted, telling him and his cronies to get the heck away from Logan and our family once and for all. But I don't care. It felt good to strike out, and to do it at the root cause of our circumstances. I could blame God for all of this, but it's the devil's work.

Prayer warriors and friends, I ask you to please tell satan to get behind us once and for all. That's the best, most helpful thing you can do for our family right now. Amazing things are afoot. Believe it. Know it.