About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Glimpse

Sometimes it's easier to be blunt than eloquent: I've had a lousy couple of days. But that's really all I want to say to directly address the subject, because the passage to come lays out the reason for my feelings in stark detail.

Logan currently takes two oral chemo drugs in conjunction with his radiation treatment protocol. He decided this evening that he didn't want to take one of them, which is served in a spoonful of peanut butter alongside a glass of milk. He had the small blob of peanut butter in his mouth... and there it sat. He refused to chew or swallow. Then he refused to drink the milk that he needs to take to a) help swallow it and b) buffer his tummy from the effects of the meds. Instead, he whimpered through the peanut butter that the medicine would hurt his tummy so he wasn't going to take it. He was fine with just staying sick.

Fine with staying sick.

Of course he'd say that because he feels fine these days. He runs, plays, jumps, imagines, dreams. His life, save the hair loss, eye issues and time at Alta Bates, is remarkably close to that of a normal, healthy 4-year old boy. But we all know better and the knowledge breaks my heart. We know that he needs to take his pills. There's a horrible urgency that surrounds the issue. We can't just let him be a 4-year old having a temper tantrum. We can't just let him spit out the pills and say 'oh well, we'll try again tomorrow.' So when Logan dug his heels in, Adam dug his own in even more aggressively.

I'll spare the precise details, but the resulting scene was horrifically chaotic, with Adam frazzled, me upset, Logan refusing to swallow anything at all, Abby trying to mediate and Brady screaming his head off. (Isaac was the only one who seemed outwardly unaffected; he squirreled away in the pantry stealing cookies, as any self-respecting, non-monitored 2-year old would do.) After 15 minutes of fighting, yelling, screaming, spitting and threats of vomit, the pills went down.

It's purely heartbreaking to watch a scene like that on TV. It's even worse when it's your everyday reality.

I guess I don't have much else to say right now. As I've said, I'm in a low place. I can't really pray, but I hope that you will. I hope that you'll continue to intercede for Logan and for his healing. And I hope, despite my own doubts and fears and insecurities, that God will hear you. Thank you and good evening.


  1. And {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  2. Oh, Adam and Sherry, my heart just breaks for the horrific scene you were forced to endure with your precious sunshine. I pray for Logan to be healed completely right here and right now. I pray for the Holy Spirit to breathe healing and peace into your home tonight and straight into the lives of each and every one of you. Please rest assured that we will continue to pray for you as you crawl through this dark valley! We love you guys and will not forget about you.

  3. I would be honored to take the responsibility of covering your prayers right now. Whenever you question yourself and find yourself in a place too down to pray, know it is being done for you by many many people, myself just a small part of that.
    This sounds like it was an extremely trying evening, and I'm so sorry, but I couldnt help but smile thinking of Isaac on his cookie rampage!

  4. You are so lucky that Adam stepped in and dug his heals in. What a great husband and help-mate you have.

    I look at the dynamics in my family when I was adopted at Logan's age. They were similar to this scene. Mainly, because I had suffered so much pain. I used to flip my new brother the bird - at every and any opportunity. That same brother helped me learn to work through my stutter a few years later. I talk for a living, and I am grateful for my brother. Today, the "bird" incidents are brought up in a loving and funny way.

    You are right, this is awful. But, this too shall pass.

  5. ((((hugs and prayers)))
    Sherry, I am praying for you and Adam to feel God's loving arms around you tonight. May He bless you and Brady with much needed good night's sleep. I am sorry all of you had such a trying day. We are continuously praying for Logan's complete healing; and praying for his ability to deal with the frustrations of having to take medicine that makes him feel bad. What a blessing for Isaac being the comic relief .... I hope they were Girl Scout cookies :) I use to focus on those little things Jamie did that seemed so out of character for our reality. They are the light rays from God that helped me through the dark.

  6. I will post this on my facebook page Sherry. I hope you have other moms you can talk to that are going through or who have gone through similar situations. It sounds like you need that kind of support right now more than ever. Praying for you always.

  7. You, Logan and the rest of the family are ALWAYS on my mind and in my prayers...before I go to sleep, when I wake up, and throughout every day.

  8. I really cannot imagine....
    Praying for you every single day. Thinking of you constantly.
    I am fasting today and thinking about Logan when it gets painful.
    Love and HUGS.

  9. Praying for Logan and your whole family and recruiting new prayer warriors daily. Joanne

  10. I'm so sorry you had to go through that -- all of you! (Save for Isaac.)

    You're right, I can picture watching that kind of a scene on tv or on a movie and thinking "how awful" but this is Real life. Your real life. And it's not just "awful" ~ my heart breaks for you guys.
    I am praying the a calm would come over Logan at meds time (whether it's supernatural power, or that he'd learn he doesn't want to go through that mess again and again everytime he needs to take his pills).
    Thanking God that you and Adam can work together as a team through these unimaginably hard struggles (I know that you guys prob are not on the same page every single time, but I'm so thankful you can back each other up when you need to). Praying for patience. Praying for perseverance. Praying for peace.
    Most of all, praying for the radiation and the drugs to do their thing and HEAL.
    So much love to you guys. And non-stop prayer!!

  11. I think Isaac had the right idea.

    I am so sorry.