About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Another New Phase

I had blog on the brain when I was driving Abby home from school this afternoon. I had so many things I wanted to share, so many sentences pre-constructed in mind. But naturally, I didn't get the chance to update until now, and even more naturally, a lot of my thoughts have already dissipated, scattered like leaves in the wind. Instead of sitting here and trying to catch them as they skitter-skatter by, I'll just write from my heart for a few minutes.

Tomorrow at roughly 7:15 AM, Logan will begin his six-week course of radiation. As I reflected to Adam earlier, it's really make or break time. If the radiation does what we hope and pray it will do, we'll be moving on to the consolidation cycle in a few months, and prayerfully, on the road to a cure. I can't let myself think in the other direction; My heart is already so mangled and broken that I can't bear the idea.

As I asked before, please pray that the radiation will be extremely successful. Just as God obliterated the once-ugly primary mass in his brain, pray that He will do the same to the spots of evil in his spine: Grasp them, crush them into nothingness and then blow away the residuals in the wind. I pray for that every day. I pray for mercy, for grace, for healing. Because if I don't, if I let my mind wander too far, my heart cracks anew and it's much too challenging to get up when the sun rises.

Today brought with it an unwanted new development in the form of some facial paralysis. Yes, because my poor little sunshine hasn't suffered enough, the muscles in the left side of his face are lagging; his smile is crooked and he's unable to completely close his eye without holding it shut. I went into a silent, desperate panic when I first noticed the symptoms; after all, the inwardly turned eye was our initial indicator that something was amiss in the first place, so my heart absolutely sank when I saw a change in his sweet face. Adam called Philippa to report our observation and she in turn called Dr. T before phoning back to say that there'd been nothing at all on his MRI to suggest that it would be a tumor-related issue. She suggested that instead it was likely the result of some post-op swelling, and instructed us to double his dose of decadron, the steroid he's been taking to keep his spinal tumors at bay after radiation starts. Of course, if he still looks the same or worse in the morning, Adam will call back again and see if a clinic visit is in order. Please pray that whatever is causing the paralysis will just go away already; we have enough to deal with without this kind of item added to the list.

Otherwise, he's been very normal of late. He came with me to pick Abby up from school today, and enjoyed running around the school yard (real, actual running, too). He laughed with his siblings over silly jokes. He ate solid meals and wanted candy for dessert after dinner. He was upset when he went to bed tonight, afraid of yet another trip to the hospital; after all, the last time he got up early in the morning to go to the hospital he had surgery and then spent several days in the PICU. So his fears are more than justified, but still they pain me. And I cry out in agony all over again: Why, Lord? Why? So I ask you to pray for him to feel peace entering his new routine tomorrow morning. And again, please pray against horrible side effects, and for healing via this method of 'seek and destroy' treatment.

To answer the oft-asked question 'how am I?' I'll say not great. Not even really good, to be truthful. The needle's on empty and I'm in desperate need of reassurances, of signs. There haven't been many -- any, really -- since we got the less-than-good news last Friday, and my spiritual, emotional mouth is parched and in need of something to quench its thrist. We went to Arby's at lunchtime today -- Logan's pick, of course -- and as we sat eating, Another Old Lang Syne started playing on the radio and I nearly lost it. Even if you think you don't know it, you probably do; it's a Dan Fogelberg tune from a number of years ago that relays a vignette from the life of a man who misses the past. I so acutely miss the simpler days of my life, when everything seemed so complicated but in reality, it was all quite simple, neat, compact, predictable, not frightening. To be able to go back and live those days again, fully cognizant of how blessed I was, even in my awkward, unpopular teenaged-ness, would be such an incredible thing. But I know I can't. I can merely sit in an Arby's and cry when I hear a certain song. It's surreal. My entire life is... surreal.

To close, I just wanted to share that we will indeed be going to Disneyland this weekend. Adam's parents took care of the whole thing for us and will be coming along, so a tremendous thank you to them for their support. And a tremendous thank you to all of you for your support and prayers as we continue forward on this path. We're blessed to have you on Logan's team.


  1. Still here reading, praying and hoping for Logan's miracle! Hoping that tomorrow goes as smoothly as possible and the rest of the week so that you may all have a fantastic trip to Disneyland.

  2. Sherry, after post op from my brain surgery - I had facial paralysis, too. It will dissipate.
    "Do not fear" - we are storming God's throne on Logan's behalf. He will be "whole and healed"
    Hang tough. We are lifting you up and holding you steady in prayer.
    much love, michele starkey

  3. Sherry,

    My heart pains for you so, and I think of you virtually every single day. I can not even imagine what you might be feeling, but I can say that you have a deep and devoted prayer team here in NC thinking of you daily. I wish you and your family peace and tranquility in the days and months to come, and I wish more than anything that God will send you some days of calm. I completely relate to what you say about "Auld Lang Syne" as I love the song. We will continue to pray and wish the best for you and your family as the days go by. God bless you and your dear sweet Logan...

    Rodney Southern and Family

  4. I'll be praying and fasting today, with you guys a big part of what I'm laying before the Lord and pleading for. May His grace continue to assure you and Logan of what we know to be true, even if we can't see it tangibly sometimes -- that God is good, is sovereign, and loves us more than we can imagine. I love you too.

  5. Praying alongside all of Logan's prayer warriors!!
    I'm so happy you all are going to Disney for a quick "break" from all the hospitals and treatment. I will be praying for an extra-magical time for you guys and that God would be working overtime to crush those spots on Logan's spine. Praying for his entire healing and for God to seal him up tight to prevent against any other illness entering his little body. Pleading with God to do this fast so that Logan (and all of you) don't have to endure this any longer.
    Lots of love to all of you. Have a blast! Take a ton of pictures of this happy time in the middle of battle! Enjoy each other and soak up all of the love :o)

  6. ok so this is a crazy side-bar, but when i hit "post comment" the little word verification thingy said "heal sit" .... weird. i'll keep eyes open for signs wherever they may be :)

  7. Verses I'm praying over you guys this morning:

    Psalm 27:13-14: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

    2 Kings 20:1-7: The story of God telling King Hezekiah he would die and not recover, and then God changed His mind. It struck me, if _GOD_ said H. would die and it could be reversed, then how much more if doctors predict the worst? There's no need to ever lose hope.

    Psalm 81:10: God says "...Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it." (prayed in response to your parched mouth)

    Isaiah 42:3 says of Jesus, "a bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench..."

  8. Thank you for posting Sherry. We have been praying for him everyday and I will do so this evening. I hope you all have a wonderful time together as a family this weekend. Lots of love ~

  9. We're praying very hard for you, for Logan, and for your family Sherry. I hope you have a wonderful time this weekend, and just know you are in our hearts.

  10. Disneyland. Sounds like just the kind of place to look for signs. Smiling faces, laughter, an extra set of hsnds with the kids; the stuff on happy memories! B+ and rely on God; he will lead you.
    Praying in NY

  11. Reading your updates and still rating multiple times a day. I'm delighted to hear you are going to Disneyland and wish you a happy time together as a family. Hugs & prayers & energy, Nancy