About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Free falling

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

Okay, so it's a little unconventional for me to begin a post by quoting a Tom Petty song. What makes it even more bizarre is the fact that I don't care for much of the singer's music. But this particular tune has been lazily floating around in my head for days now, so I figured it was time to share it, and why it's significant to me at this point in my life.

I've never been much on spontaneity. That's probably why I'm a bad traveler, why so many things get under my skin and stress me out. Yet here I am, stuck in the most uncontrollable kind of situation I can imagine, watching my dear, sweet sunshine go through cancer treatment, blissfully and torturously unaware of whether or not the toxic rays are successfully taking out his disease. I pray with every fiber of myself that they are and that God is using them as a means of destroying the evil that's trying to destroy Logan, but the cold, hard truth is that I simply don't know what's happening. So, in essence, I'm in a free fall.

As a planner and control freak, it's both exhiliarating and terrifying to find myself free falling like this. It's scary to be hurtling, full-speed, toward unseen ground below, unsure of whether we'll land safely in a meadow with a gentle ploof or in a pit of scalding lava. But at the same time, it's freeing to realize that in a very legitimate sense, there is truly nothing I can do to control what's happening. This time of free fallin' has forced me to my knees, and to acknowledge that God is all-powerful. It's not that I haven't done so in the past, but this time, it's different. No matter how much I wheedle or bargain, I know I can't control cancer.

So for now, I'm trying to enjoy the ride as much as my fearful soul will allow. I'm feeling the air whisk by and that electric jetstream of adrenaline that keeps me on my toes. And I'm trying to keep the faith and the hope alive because I am tired, worn out, almost numb from the wind that rushes by as I fall. It's hard. As someone who would never willingly jump from a plane, it's very, very hard.

Thank you for your prayers and for being a part of Logan's team.

7 comments:

  1. You are an amazing mom. Continued prayers for Logan. :)

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  2. I'm glad you updated. I've been wondering how you and Logan have been doing. How are the side effects? Is it too early to tell?

    Last night, I had a friend of mine ask how Logan was doing. She prays for him nightly.

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  3. Great to see you the other night to give you a real hug and chat for a few minutes. The prayers continue for all of you night and day.

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  4. As a fellow planner & control freak I can sympathize with you. We just have to trust God. A great verse came up in my Bible study this week: "No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised" Rom 4:20

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  5. Your ability to create word pictures is amazing, Sherry. I continue to pray for strength for you and Adam, and especially for healing for Logan. What a great verse that Jane posted!

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  6. Sherrie,
    When I read your update this anonymous quote immediately came to mind.

    When I come to the end of all the land I know and I am about to step out into the darkness,
    I know that one of two things will happen:
    either I will step on firm ground or God will teach me how to fly.

    B+
    Faith

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