He had chest and abdominal x-rays, a CBC and they drew blood cultures. The chest x-ray was normal, and the abdominal one showed a lot of stool in his bowels. His CBC was okay save the platelet count, which was very low but not low enough to warrant a transfusion --in the 30s. It's not really a big surprise, since he's had frequent nosebleeds lately. They gave him a single dose of a broad-spectrum antibiotic and then sent him on his way.
He's pretty much completely incontinent right now, and unable to bear weight on his legs. And my heart? Completely broken. It desires healing, but it doesn't appear to be coming. And our current reality is just horrible. It's hard to care for the others when my heart is so, so broken. He's my little lamb and I can't fix him. And God, for one reason or another, isn't fixing him, either. I'm watching him fall apart, bit by bit, function by function. It's probably what it's like watching an older person deteriorate, but so much more painful, since we expect our elders to fall apart with time. It's not what we expect for our babies.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading about healing, and trying to embrace the healing that I suspect may already be there for Logan. But it's hard. It's hard to see it happening when he's such a shadow of the spritely, bright spirit he once was.
I feel a sense of hostility when I ask for prayers and others feel the need to respond assuring me that God has a plan and that it's not ours to know. I feel anger when I sense a refusal to pray for healing. And I do feel that way from time to time. There are people who probably have good intentions who can't seem to respect my wishes, and those people only add to the heartbreak. The heartache.
Anyway, this is disjointed, but it's where we are. I feel at times that if I could just embrace healing and love, that Logan would be made well. But given my history, it feels like a near-impossible task. Ah well. It is what it is.
Sherry,
ReplyDeletePlease know you have the right to feel anything that is needed during this horrible time. Folks should respect your feelings or stay away in my view. I not only embrace and pray for Logan's complete healing....I trust and believe in it as well. God bless you and your precious family my friend.
Rodney
Your entire family's bravery in the face of this is astounding and inspirational. Lifting you up. Lots of hugs, lots of love, lots of prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for your family while your out of your comfort zone and always praying. We believe that God has healed Logan and are in agreement for total restoration of his body to creation state in Jesus name. We weren't diagnosed with the same diagnosis but we didn't have a diagnosis or a prognosis. We asked many people to pray, we learned to shut our mouth and only ask those who believe in healing and ask God to send you those warriors! I believe people mean well but I believe that when you have people telling you God has a plan, we all know He does, but its taken out of context. They need to read the rest of the verse and know that it isn't on a plaque. Jesus took our infirmities and sickness and disease, he did this for Logan too. Jesus took cancer all all the other sickness and diseases too the cross with Him. We must believe He left it there. Many people speak from fear themselves and I think when they say God has a plan, I always think God is in control and He is taking this stupid cancer out! I have at my daughters worst, screamed out to God and ask HIm , "Where are you?" it is frustrating it literally feels as it pulls the flesh from your bones it hurts so bad! You must take your stand, and keep standing and know that there are a lot more of us that believe that Logan IS healed. You can't doubt and say he will be or might be, post healing scriptures around your house (or wherever you are now) speak them out loud have the rest of your family do the same. Have Logan speak them out loud. God does not bring sickness and disease He brings LIFE. The enemy is the one who came to kill, steal and destroy ... the Word of God does not lie. Tell that devil is a stinking liar but he will not be a thief. Let me know if you would like some of our healing scriptures I already have them and would be happy to email them to you. I don't know you or your family but it really hacks me off (thats putting it nicely) that the devil is lying to you like this! The devil can't steal anything that belongs to God! Sending love to you and prayers and healing prayers of belief that he is healed and tell his body to start showing it is healed! with love Paris (Abigailes mom ) <3
ReplyDeleteI just wrote you a long email, Sherry, and it encourages me to see you write that you are "trying to embrace the healing that I suspect may already be there for Logan". I hope that in trying to be direct with what I have learned from God, that it doesn't come across as insensitive.
ReplyDeleteAs you continue on this right path, I pray that God will open the eyes of your understanding, and help you to KNOW that Logan IS healed. You and Logan haven't left my prayers since I first heard of you, and I will continue to hold you up.
I don't know who Paris is above, but I could not agree more to what she wrote, and it is tremendously encouraging to see another like minded believer who is helping you to see the light in such a loving way. God is truly answering our prayers that He will send laborers your way who will help you during this time.
Lots of love,
Yoojin
I will keep praying and believing with you for complete healing for Logan!
ReplyDeleteI am sending lots of prayers for you and your entire family.
ReplyDelete