About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Fear

Entering tomorrow, I feel a lot of fear. Pure, unadulterated terror of the worst kind. I'm mad at myself for letting the devil dog me in such a petty, simplistic way, but I simply cannot put the worry to rest. I've not been able to tell it to shut up and go away.

I guess on some silly level, I'm worried that God isn't actually in control of whatever is happening and that all of Logan's horrible suffering is pointless. I'm worried that He won't show up and help. I don't know why I stress over that; as I've pointed out here before, He HAS shown up in the past. But He's also allowed a lot of very, very bad and very, very stressful things to come to pass before swooping in and saving us. And its those times of intense suffering and pain that have done a number on me emotionally. And physically. I have chronic chest congestion and I've been dogged with tons of premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) each day. I've dealt with them for several years now, but now they're more persistent. When I lie down to sleep at night, it often happens so frequently that I can't rest; I repeatedly lose my breath and can't get settled enough to drift off.

Lord, we need a break so desperately. We're desperate for good news about our sunshiny boy. Can You hear me?

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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 21, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    I'll be thinking of all of you tomorrow.

    Kris

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  2. MicheleNovember 21, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    I was thinking palpitations...but had to look up pvc's to be sure. I totally understand and I'm praying for you.

    Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.
    1 John 5:14-15

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