I guess on some silly level, I'm worried that God isn't actually in control of whatever is happening and that all of Logan's horrible suffering is pointless. I'm worried that He won't show up and help. I don't know why I stress over that; as I've pointed out here before, He HAS shown up in the past. But He's also allowed a lot of very, very bad and very, very stressful things to come to pass before swooping in and saving us. And its those times of intense suffering and pain that have done a number on me emotionally. And physically. I have chronic chest congestion and I've been dogged with tons of premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) each day. I've dealt with them for several years now, but now they're more persistent. When I lie down to sleep at night, it often happens so frequently that I can't rest; I repeatedly lose my breath and can't get settled enough to drift off.
Lord, we need a break so desperately. We're desperate for good news about our sunshiny boy. Can You hear me?