The Logan Update: 5.15.11

Today was much the same as yesterday; I arrived early-afternoon to find Logan lingering between sleep and quasi-wakefulness. His WBC came in at 2.3 this morning (and apparently had surpassed 4 by this evening, per Adam's call a little while ago), and he received his usual tank-up courtesy of a sub-50 platelet count of 39. His enyzme levels again looked a little better, but his bilirubin and weight had both risen yet again. To extract the good from a bad situation, however, the bili level had risen less than it had in previous days, increasing a single point rather than two. Baby steps. Sometimes it's all about the baby steps.

They took him off of the high-flow nasal cannula sometime last night or this morning and replaced it with moisturized air, and added the facemask as well. He satted well thanks to the combination of the two, averaging 98 or so and sometimes reaching a full 100. He definitely still is in need of Oxygen, though, and panicked whenever he found himself breathing less easily.

Otherwise, he mainly slept during my bedside tenure. We waited all afternoon for a promised move to the 5th floor, but said move didn't come because of "staffing issues". So, perhaps tomorrow.

I'm so overcome with emotion much of the time these days that, ironically, it's hard to put it all into comprehensible words. Rather, it's hard to write them in a fashion that adequately expresses the intensity of my feelings. I hate --and I don't use that word lightly-- that Logan is suffering so profoundly. I hate the evil that is cancer. I look for the good, for the hopeful signs, but I can't lie: It's very hard. It's hard to see Adam only in passing, to be alone with Abby, Isaac and Brady most of the time. It's painful to realize that Logan will be in the hospital for weeks to come, and that he'll miss Adam's brother's wedding. Logan loves parties and dancing and celebrations, and it'll be painful to be there without him. I know that as much fun as weddings are, my heart will be elsewhere while it's going on. And I'm frustrated that my family continues to be hit, to be robbed of so much joy. It continues to be my prayer that we'll have overwhelming joy in the near future, and I thank you all for praying for that joy and for looking forward to it.

Please continue to pray for Logan's recovery and complete health. Pray also for our entire family as we continue to slog through this challenging time of separation and the heartbreaking pain of uncertainty. Blessings and have a lovely Monday because despite its lowly 'first day of the work week' status, it's always a blessing to have another Monday, a fresh start.