Mother's Day

Most of my family trooped into my bedroom this morning while I was still asleep, and presented me with a plate of waffles, an Abby-designed 'I Love You' banner, cards, and kid-selected gifts. I was keenly aware, however, that someone very special was missing. And my heart grieved his absence. The same thing happened as we went out for brunch; I looked at an empty chair beside Abby and felt that same sting of sadness.

I went to visit my sunshine this afternoon. He's still in the PICU, and though it's not my favorite place for many reasons, it's where he needs to be in the now. He's stable, but has a horrible case of mucusitis that makes each breathe he takes a challenge. His blood gas level has remained good, but he's consistently run a fever and his weight was up markedly this morning, along with a small increase in his bilirubin level. They're watching carefully for signs of VOD, the condition that can lead to renal failure, and just doing what needs to be done to help him weather the current storm. He's largely non-responsive, even when awake, and spends much of his time just staring at the clock on the wall.

Meanwhile, on this Mother's Day, this mother's heart breaks all over again. I want to scream and get angry, but it doesn't do me any good. And at times, I feel as if I don't have the right. It is what it is.

Thank you for your prayers.