In the Wilderness

It's funny, but that's how I've felt these past weeks: Like I'm wandering aimlessly in the wilderness. The funny thing is that absolutely none of the wandering actually is what I'd call aimless; in fact, it's probably the most focused, goal-driven 'wandering' I've ever done. And that's saying a lot, because I am by nature extremely competitive, and well, driven. I guess it's more the feeling of being entrapped, stuck, caged. So perhaps I'm not wandering so much as I'm being held against my will. But I digress from what's really important here.

Logan showed improvement yesterday. His bilirubin level went down a little, as did his weight, both of which gifted us --and the medical team-- with a sense of relief. He still had awful mucusitis and was largely non-responsive when I was there during the afternoon, but they took his oxygen down to just 4 liters (from 10) and he was coping fine with the change. Although no one could see them, suspicion was rife that he had ulcers in his little mouth, based on the way he would cringe and resist when anyone tried to get him to suck a straw or open up for suction. I've yet to hear from Adam this morning, but the plan as of last night was to move him back to isolation in the pediatric ward sometime today, whenever a bed became available.

Thank you as always for lifting my sweet little guy and our family up in prayer. I won't lie -- I'm frustrated with God right now, and have let Him know my feelings on the matter every day as I've made the drive to CHO to sit with my sunshine. It's beyond painful to see Logan hooked up to millions of tubes, bald and struggling to take every breath. It's a cruel form of injustice that I'll probably never understand on this side of Heaven. But I still realize that prayer is essential, so I ask you all to continue to intercede on Logan's behalf. Blessings to you and your families.