Tuesday Morning at CHO

As God would have it --since I don't believe in luck, per se, the substitution makes perfect sense-- Logan's line refused to draw this morning, so Adam took him to CHO to have it cleared out. (It's not an unusual occurrence --sometimes blood will form little clots somewhere in his line and it won't flush out.) When they arrived, it also happened that Logan's primary was there in his office, so Adam asked him to take a look at Logan's eye and conveyed our recent experience and observations. Adam said that he covered the good eye and had him look to the right, which he was apparently able to do. Dr. T noted that when Logan had first arrived last Fall, he'd been unable to do that at all, so he was disinclined to think that it would be tumor pressing against the nerve. He asked when we'd most recently had his vision checked, and when Adam said that it'd been almost a year, he speculated that what we're seeing is a lazy eye. Philippa is setting up an eye appointment for him now so we can see how his eye is faring. Of course, though he doesn't think it's the case, there's no guarantee that it's not tumor related. Dr. T also noted that if it is, we'd be in a very bad spot so waiting the next week for the MRI wouldn't do much damage.

It's so hard to hear words like that about my sunshine. Though I naturally feel a bit of relief over hearing that he doubts that what we're seeing is cancer-related, the fear still lives on. My immediate reaction was to recall the words that have come to me so often over the past days --things are not always as they appear-- and to breathe a sigh of relief. But then, of course, the devil's advocate spoke from somewhere within, casting doubt upon my relaxed mood, quietly whispering but what if it's the *doctor* who isn't seeing things as they really are? What if YOU are right, what if YOUR fears are the reality and he's not seeing what's actually going on? Yes, it's just oh-so-fun to be me.

I've prayed a lot over the past 24 hours; for Logan's healing, for our family, for the doctors to have the wisdom to make the right decisions. But mostly, for the big, ugly, daunting mountain to move.

I feel like we're facing urgent times now --if only because my sanity is suffering blow after blow-- so please keep praying for Logan's complete healing and for the rest of us. If you can think of anyone else who would be willing to join us, please extend an invitation.