We have a relatively busy week coming up. Logan has a number of appointments, including an opthalmologist visit on Wednesday, and an audiology check the same day if someone else cancels. Friday is his big annual clinic visit, or what I've been calling the horse and pony show.
His limp has gotten worse over the past few days, so it's likely that he'll have to begin treatment with steriods in the near future to address the problem area on his spine. I'm not particularly happy about that idea, given that our past experience with such drugs proved that he's not immune to 'roid rage, but as always, we'll do what we have to do in order to help him. And if that means a mood swings and temper tantrums, so be it. At least he'll probably be hungrier, too, which may well more us closer to the removal of his port.
So what do we need in terms of prayer? First of all, continued peace. And of course, sustained and complete healing for Logan. We're so thankful that the MRIs came back looking stable last week, and we know that God can wipe out the issue in his spine with a thought, so please pray for that since I know it's probably a painful affliction for Logan (though he doesn't talk about it).
Finally, I need a little help with forgiveness. Just before Logan was first diagnosed with cancer, we were sent to an opthalmologist at CHO who dismissed our concerns and said to come back in six weeks if the issue with his eye hadn't corrected itself. Thankfully our pediatrician overruled him and we found the tumors when we did, but I realized this weekend that I still harbor a great deal of resentment toward the opthalmologist. It feels justified, in a way; after all, he's a specialist and should've sent Logan for a CT when he presented with his symptoms. Had we listened to him, my son would've died. Of course that didn't happen by the grace of God, but when I found out on Saturday that Logan's appointment on Wednesday is with the very same doctor, I flipped out. I'm sure he's a very competent physician, but I simply don't trust him. I do, however, realize that I need to forgive the mistake, so please pray that I'll be able to do that fully.
Thank you for being a part of Logan's team. Have a great week.
Have you thought about seeing a different ophthalmologist? Forgiveness and emotions aside, I'd have trouble trusting a doctor who missed the boat on my child's life-threatening condition. I'm not saying he's incompetent -- people make mistakes, and I can totally understand a doctor not picking up on a relatively rare condition when examining a problem that might seem fairly innocuous upon first examination -- but I think I'd still have trouble trusting that person in his capacity as a health professional. And again, I'm separating that from the emotional aspect; simply objectively, if he missed the mark that badly, then maybe it would be better to see someone else.
ReplyDeleteIf you have reasons for wanting to continue with this doctor, then it might help to imagine how horrible he must feel, knowing what crappy advice he gave you. I'm sure it was not intentional, and I would imagine he feels nothing but thankful that his mistake didn't result in disaster. Anyway, what matters most is that Logan is here and moving towards health, and harboring anger at a physician for an outcome that didn't happen isn't going to help anything.
I'll be thinking about you and hoping that you can find the forgiveness you need.
I also hope you can see a different doctor. It would drive me nuts to have my child see him again. Good luck! Good for you for trying to forgive!
ReplyDeleteFor what its worth, I think you can choose to forgive yet still refuse to have Logan under this doctor's care. Forgiving him for such a horrible mistake is pretty amazing, and must be so hard to do. But it doesn't make you any less wonderful of a human being to ask that Logan be seen by someone else. It makes sense that you wouldn't be able to trust anything he says/recommends, because he absolutely failed your family at a very critical time. You have every right to feel this way. Just wanted to let you know that your "mom instincts" are so right on, and add my support and prayers for your family.
ReplyDeleteYeah ... what they said.
ReplyDeletePraying!
ReplyDeleteI would feel the same way, though, regarding the optho. I would ask if there's any way to see a different one (I don't know if that's possible since he is already a specialist). But it IS your child's life we're talking about and that's a pretty serious mis-step he took.
Praying for the forgiveness aspect, though. I know harboring feelings can eat you up and not do any good.
Also praying for the possible upcoming start on steroids. Scary stuff. Praying for minimal side effects and maximal productivity with the issues at hand!
Hugs!!!