All of that said, I didn't go to CHO today; not because of the aforementioned reasons, but because I was horribly congested yesterday evening and this morning, and didn't want to chance taking a cold virus into an immunocompromised ward. Now that some time has passed and I'm feeling substantially better, I assume it was an acute allergic reaction to something or other, and am looking forward to seeing my sunshine again tomorrow afternoon. Adam reported that he's been doing fine with taking his medications orally, so I'm holding my breath that his release is imminent. Oh, please let it happen soon. He still occasionally throws up blood, but a GI doctor came by yesterday, talked with me and examined Logan, and seemed generally unconcerned, given the number of medications he's been on and the rigors of his treatment protocol. No one is surprised that he's bleeding. It's undeniably brutal stuff he's been through.
I'm still praying for healing, of course, but I'm also annoyed with God. And the emotion feels both awkward and raw, wrong and right. I know it's fair for me to be upset and to ask questions, even though I know they won't be answered. But still I feel guilty about doing so, and I feel mildly odd about avoiding church. I simply can't go right now. Adam goes and takes Abby, Isaac and Brady, but me... I can't. Not now.
Anyway, after this bizarre and rambling succession of thoughts, I'll leave you. Thank you for continuing to pray for Logan's healing and for our family. Blessings.