About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sunday Night

It's funny how I keep an emotional distance from a lot of this experience. No, really, I do. When I stop and think about the stark, cold, ugly reality that's been our life for the past 10 months, I cringe. It triggers deep within me an almost irresistable urge to look away; to run away. To escape. But I know I can't do that. I have to go to CHO, I have to take care of my little boy, I have to make life as 'normal' as possible for my three other babies, I have to accept that no, it isn't just a truly awful dream. It's reality. My reality. Our reality.

All of that said, I didn't go to CHO today; not because of the aforementioned reasons, but because I was horribly congested yesterday evening and this morning, and didn't want to chance taking a cold virus into an immunocompromised ward. Now that some time has passed and I'm feeling substantially better, I assume it was an acute allergic reaction to something or other, and am looking forward to seeing my sunshine again tomorrow afternoon. Adam reported that he's been doing fine with taking his medications orally, so I'm holding my breath that his release is imminent. Oh, please let it happen soon. He still occasionally throws up blood, but a GI doctor came by yesterday, talked with me and examined Logan, and seemed generally unconcerned, given the number of medications he's been on and the rigors of his treatment protocol. No one is surprised that he's bleeding. It's undeniably brutal stuff he's been through.

I'm still praying for healing, of course, but I'm also annoyed with God. And the emotion feels both awkward and raw, wrong and right. I know it's fair for me to be upset and to ask questions, even though I know they won't be answered. But still I feel guilty about doing so, and I feel mildly odd about avoiding church. I simply can't go right now. Adam goes and takes Abby, Isaac and Brady, but me... I can't. Not now.

Anyway, after this bizarre and rambling succession of thoughts, I'll leave you. Thank you for continuing to pray for Logan's healing and for our family. Blessings.

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3 comments:

  1. LoisJune 13, 2011 at 12:01 AM

    Many prayers for Logan's release to get home, ASAP.

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  2. onemore4heavenJune 13, 2011 at 4:24 AM

    In the valleys of life, we often avoid God, so I understand your need to avoid church. It really doesn't matter, Sherry, God is still there with you - even when you or I turn away. And, He is with Logan. I pray Logan comes home soon, I pray he begins to respond to treatment and you will see the improvements. Then, you will return to church, to God and begin to sing His praises again. It will happen. Keep believing. love, michele starkey

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  3. kari.jacksonJune 13, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    I have to agree with what michele (above) said. God is with you, whether in church or out of church. And there's no one better to understand what you are going through than He....so don't let yourself feel guilt about it for a minute, satan wants you to feel that, your Father doesn't :) (I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know, hopefully just being a friendly supporter of what you do already know in your heart)
    So much love and prayers to you, Logan and the whole family!!
    Hugs.

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