But it's not all bad. As I was driving to CHO on Monday, engaged in my usual grudge match with God, I finally ran out of things to yell and went silent. I felt enveloped in a sense of hopelessness until an old familiar thought came back to me: Although we're in an unenviable position right now --I know full well that no one reading this would change places with us!-- we're also in a unique place to see God move in ways that the great majority of the population will never experience firsthand. So I'm waiting on that.
I've also been working on claiming and believing, with my entire heart, Mark 11:22-24. In exploring my feelings, I've come to the conclusion that I fear embracing that scripture for two reasons. For one, I fear that I'll be disappointed. For the other, I fear that God won't come through, and that naysayers will use it as an opportunity to shake their heads victoriously and say 'see, I told you it wasn't real'. But really, what do I have to lose? So I'm working on it. Slowly working on it. But my heart is stubborn and I'm a skeptic at my core, so it's a challenge. I thank every one of you who believes --whole-heartedly-- in the veracity of those words.
I leave you with anothervideo clip-- click to view. This one was taken yesterday. Logan was up and about and playing for the first time in over a month. His walk is a little funny and his hearing is bad, but it's such a joy to see him embracing life again.
Thank you, thank you for continuing to pray and continuing to believe when I struggle to do so. I probably should've noted this sooner, but his MRI is scheduled for 6/16. Please pray for amazing results and a clear scan. Please.