In the days leading up to Logan's departure from this life, a certain song would play itself in my head every time I went into his little room in the PICU. I don't believe I was pressing a play button on my own, because the lyrics wouldn't have made sense coming from me. No, they only made sense coming from Logan. And now, a little more than a month removed from that longest day, I think I finally feel ready to talk about those words I kept hearing. And their implications for this life --and what lies beyond.
I started hearing the song in question probably a week or so before he passed on. I'd enter his room, stand over him, and then they'd begin playing. And they'd continue playing for some time in a loop fashion, typically repeating the same lines several times before eventually coming to a stop, usually while I read him a story or quoted Bible verses.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cuz you believed
I'm everything I am because you loved me.
I know that when Celine Dion croons those words, she means them in a figurative fashion. But for Logan, they were very literal. When he passed, he couldn't speak, see or walk.
It's as if his heart somehow managed to find a way to sing the words directly into mine. It's the only way I can explain repeatedly hearing those words in my head and my soul during that last week. It's as if he said what he needed to say without uttering a word.
Although I didn't want to see it at the time, I think he was saying 'see you later' the only way he was able. And though my heart deeply grieves his absence, I'm glad that he was allowed to sing me that song.
Oh Sherry, thank you so much for sharing this intimate time with all of us. I have tears of sadness and of joy! May God continue to bless each of you with little hugs and winks from Him and from Logan. . .
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful. I believe that our loved ones always stay and talk to us and will be waiting for us when the time comes. I've tangibly experienced it.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteKris
Dear Sherry and Adam,
ReplyDeleteI have posted your family picture inside my cupboard at Shining Light Preschool where I think of your family often and pray for whatever you are going through on each day going forward without Logan at home.
What a beautiful thing it is to know that you loved deeply and were there for Logan in every possible way right to the end. I am glad that you have been blessed with this song to remind you of that fact.
I have often thought, when I have lost close family members, that the greatest comfort was that I did all I could for them during their life and that I never gave up, but was willing to walk closely with them through the last days of their lives. I am glad that you too have such a comfort from Logan.
you were his warrior, and continue to be. what a lucky little man to have you be everything for him when he couldn't be.
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