About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Up

It's not that I want to be awake right now. Maybe it's the coffee I decided I just had to have at 5 PM, or maybe it's the fluid that's drained from my head and settled into my chest. Maybe it's the light from our backyard neighbor's front porch glaring into my window, piercing what would otherwise be still, quiet, restful darkness. Maybe it's the knowledge that in some ways, all I want to do is cry right now but I know I can't because doing so would make the head congestion so much worse. I guess I can't put my finger on a singular reason because there are many. So, late this Sunday night, I'm just up.

I'm not as unsettled by the notion of being alone with my thoughts as I once was. I can sit in silence and appreciate the peace inherent in the experience. I don't know if that's because my days are so hectic that part of me treasures the quiet times more than I ever thought I would, or because the past eight months have inexorably changed who I am. I guess it doesn't matter. Like I'm just up, it just is.

Today was a challenging one. It was a tough one for Logan, who is clearly engaged in a battle with not only his headcold, but his medications. I've found myself breathing I hate Decadron many, many times over the past months, and my dislike of the steroid continued today as he raged and ranted at everyone, everything. He cried at Target when there were no new Pixar die-cast Cars available. He cried again when Adam took him to the section where books are housed and there weren't any new Cars books to be had. He ranted about stopping to have lunch on the way home and raged when, after he told Adam he wanted lemonade, he wasn't given milk. He raged even harder when we refused to dump the lemonade and buy milk instead. It's painful for me to look back on the sweet, happy go lucky, easy child he was, and to realize what he's become thanks to the drugs and the evil, evil disease. He's almost like an animal at times, thrashing and angry. And it breaks my heart into a million pieces because that crazed beast is nothing like my sweet-tempered, generous, loving son.

Of course, at this point, my heart has been broken so many times that the sensation is different. Now heartbreak feels more like numbness, like hopelessness. I watch him suffer through the side effects of his treatment and think to myself, I can't imagine him ever being my Logan ever again. It's like he's gone. I believe that he could be himself again; granted a wiser, older, changed version of himself, but still Logan. My Logan. We just need God to intercede. To touch him.

I ache for that touch so fervently that the very thought of it makes my eyes well over with tears. So please, keep asking for it. Health, healing, faith and hope.

A good night to you. **** I'm back, a few hours later, with an upgraded request especially for our serious prayer warriors. I feel as if I'm under attack right now. This illness I'm battling is increasingly uncomfortable and increasingly frustrating. I call out to Jesus and acknowledge that He is still upon His throne despite our issues. In the past hours, I've felt another painful lump develop, this one in my throat, and I know from experience that it will become very, very painful before going away. A similar sort of condition plagued me two years ago, and persisted for six months, yet no one was ever able to diagnose it and I was tested for every condition and disease possible. With important days to come in the near future, please pray that evil will get behind me, in the name of Jesus, and that I'll be made well. It's clear to me that the other side doesn't want me well, clear-minded and actively praying for my little love, so I'm asking for your help to fend it off. Thank you for taking up armor on my --our-- behalf.

7 comments:

  1. Praying that over the coming months your sweet Logan will come back for good. I can't imagine how difficult it is for Logan to suffer these mood swings and have no control, or how heartbreaking it is for you and Adam to watch as parents as your child struggles.

    I am praying that Jesus will touch your body as well, and heal you. That He will make His presence known to you and you will feel the comfort and peace that only He can provide.

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  2. Praying. Wish I could be there to hug you and just cry *with* you sometimes... But for now, consider it done from a distance!

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  3. I am praying Sherry. Praying for God to touch you and heal you, praying for God to strip the cancer wholly away from Logan, to restore your family to a happy and HEALTHY unit, to make this a journey of the past that you can use as your testimony for Jesus. Praying, praying, praying, down on my knees Sherry.
    Love you all.

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  4. I will continue to pray with you and for you. I am glad that you stand on Christ, the rock, and His truth always. I pray against the evil that is waging war against you and your family. I pray for protection for each one of you!

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  5. I'm praying that the behavior you have observed isn't due to a changed Logan, but because it's a direct effect of the discomfort and medicines, and once those are removed, he'll be fully restored.

    Kris (Lolavix--Blogger not letting me post as my LJ name)

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  6. Sherry- I don't know if you remember me, but I worked with IV at the Claremont Colleges and remember you and Adam. I was informed of your family's struggle and your blog. I've been reading along for a bit now and praying for you all- especially the healing of Logan. I wanted you to know this so you can be reminded there are probably many other people that you're not even aware of who are interceding on your behalf. May God give you all the grace you need to be sustained through this journey! As a mother of 3 myself I pray now especially for your health. May you be strong in mind, body, and spirit- to be able to care for your little ones as you desire to.
    Peace, Sarah Riggio

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