Update on Baby M

Since a few of you have asked and we're more or less status quo here, I thought I'd give a very quick update on Baby M. Katy contacted me earlier today to let me know that they got to take her home yesterday and that she's doing much better than initially expected. Prayers work, peeps! Thank you so much for continuing to hold her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. I know they appreciate it.

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Today Logan was feeling enough improved that I thought we should make use of the Groupon I bought a few weeks ago and visit the Easter Bunny at the Mall. I know: I'm probably one of precious few who bother to have my kids sit on Bun E. Rabbit's lap every year, but I do. And right now, I'm taking advantage of every photo op that presents itself. So we did that, had lunch and then I decided spur-of-the-moment to take a quick Easter picture at JCPenney, just because they were all dressed up in Easter clothes. And because, well, like I said, I take advantage of every single opportunity. I got that single decent photo, which wound up being a challenge because Logan smacked the top of his head against the wall in the studio and cried for several minutes before the shoot. He was okay, just scared, but it put a damper on things and left me feeling tired. And frustrated, in that unproductive 'why is this happening to us?' way.

I had a great chat with my older brother (hi Bobby, now that I know you're reading along) this evening, which was welcomed, as I don't see family nearly enough these days. And then the congestion that I felt creeping in overnight hit me with a vengeance. I'm once again stuffy-headed, much to my annoyance. My throat is less painful and I can hear more (though not perfectly) through my right ear, but now I'm congested. It never ends, it seems.

On that note, please continue and ramp up the prayers for health and healing. Logan is still congested, but seemed better today. So far, it hasn't impacted his treatment. Brady is also still congested. We need to be healthy in order to cope with the months to come.

Thank you for being a part of Logan's team.

4.7

I logged in tonight to post this update feeling tired as always, and well, drained. And then I saw the comments on my previous entry, and felt heartened once again. So thank you to everyone who has the time and can figure out how to leave notes.

Today was... long. Adam took Logan to Alta Bates for his radiation session early this morning as has been the custom for the past five weeks. Since it's Spring Break week, I slept in with Brady cuddled next to me until about 8, when Isaac appeared and demanded attention. Adam called at 10 to say that Logan's bloodwork for the morning showed that he needed both hemoglobin and platelets, as both numbers were below the threshhold at 8.2 and 12, respectively.

God bless CHO, but it's never a good thing to have to be there unexpectedly for transfusions. Last week, when we knew ahead of time that he would need platelets, he and Adam were in and out lickety split. Today? Not so much. It took a long time to get the platelets -- Adam joked that they must've gotten them from someone out on the street -- and then a longer time to get the blood. Adam's cell battery died mid-afternoon, so I called the Day Hospital at 6:15 and found out that they'd just left minutes earlier.

The pair arrived home, Taco Bell in hand, at about 7:15. At least Logan is now well-tanked up. And prayerfully, his body will begin to make its own platelets again very, very soon.

So tonight, I ask you to pray that his body will begin to recover from the craniospinal portion of his radiation therapy. We need him to start making his own platelets so we can move on to the next phase. I also ask that you continue to pray for health for our family as we struggle with various illnesses that seem to want to hang on. Please also pray for amazingly effective treatment as we look to the transition from radiation to the transplant consolidation cycle. Logan has a number of appointments scheduled for the following weeks, so I ask that you pray for health and a strong body (and mind) for him as he enters this phase. And of course, at the heart of it all, please intercede for his healing.

Bless you all this rainy Thursday night.

Let Us Pray, Let Us Pray...

I know I've quoted that Steven Curtis Chapman song previously, but I think it bears repeating:

Let us pray, let us pray, everywhere in every way
Every moment of the day it is the right time
For the Father above, He is listening with love
And He WANTS TO ANSWER US, so LET US PRAY.

I really fell off the prayer wagon for a while there after the bad news about the spinal tumors broke. I'm ashamed of myself for that; after all, I hold no power over what's going on in Logan's body, but the God of the Universe, the Lord of all Creation DOES, so it was foolish to allow myself to be overcome with doubt and worry over the future.

This song has been playing and re-playing in my head for days now, so I take it as a sign that I need to get to work again. I need to strap on my armor, grab my sword and get to work against the evil that is this cancer. I've had some time to rest and be still, and now that time is over, and I need to make sure the troops are mobilized and hard at work.

Thank you all for praying for Logan and our family. Thank you for believing that God is the ultimate Healer and that He can -- that he WANTS to -- heal my little sunshine. It's so heartening whenever I hear that someone else has joined the team and is actively lifting us up, interceding on Logan's behalf.

Although I'm not without fear, I stand on the Rock and pray for BIG, amazing things in the future. I cannot wait to share them with you when they happen.

Blessings to you and yours this mid-week afternoon.

Let's Do the Wave

That's what we need here, desperately: A wave prayers to wash over our entire family and restore our collective health.

At this moment, Isaac and Abby are relatively well. Abby still has a lingering cough and Isaac is on antibiotics for his ear infection, but otherwise, they're both in grin 'n go mode. But that's where the good health ends.

Brady is very congested. He's on antibiotic eye drops and has a very, very stuffy little nose. He tries very hard to be in good spirits, but it stinks to be a three-month old with a headcold. Adam has a cough and the beginnings of congestion. I'm a trainwreck; my throat is extremely sore, I have what is likely a huge canker sore (because a few years ago, I started getting them when faced with stressful situations) on the roof of my mouth, and my ear still hasn't returned to normal. I can hear through it again, but the sound quality is off-kilter. I took a trip to my primary today, but she didn't think anything was wrong (horrible pain aside), and gave me just some lidocaine to gargle. (I'm going back to my ENT tomorrow; he wants to do a strep test and check my ear again. Thank God for specialists.)

But worst of all, my poor sweet Logan is horribly congested. We've done the absolute best we could do with keeping him away from the germs, so it's frustrating that he's ill. He still has seven days of focal radiation remaining, so PLEASE pray that God will touch him and make the cold better soon.

As always, please keep praying for healing for my little sunshine. I can't express how important those prayers are to me; how closely I hold them to my heart. How much it means to know that scores of others are interceding on Logan's behalf, begging God to heal him, to eradicate the cancer entirely and to make him well again. Because THAT is the desire of my heart. THAT is what I want, what I yearn for, what I plead for every day, all day long. Eternal perspective aside -- and I DO have one -- I want my son to be well. I want him to grow up with an amazing story to tell. I'm his mom; I can't possibly desire anything else.

Thank you and good evening.

Ugh

As Logan's mom, I feel like I can't, or at least shouldn't, complain about my own health-related issues. After all, I've watched my little boy endure so, so much more than most people could ever even fathom going through over the course of an entire, normal lifetime.

But I have to say it: I feel terrible. My ear has still yet to return to normal, and now my throat hurts. A lot. Given the state of my poor ear, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it's merely post nasal drip. It seems to get better in the morning, worse at night, although that may be because I've made liberal use of Tylenol, ibuprofen and throat spray to cope. If you will, please pray that these symptoms will alleviate themselves so I can enjoy the upcoming week. Abby has Spring Break, so it would be nice to have some good family time.

Logan has, so far, managed to avoid the worst of the nasty bug that we've been hosting here for the past several weeks. Please pray that that will continue to be the case so his treatment can continue on schedule. In addition, please pray for my little Brady. He woke up this morning with his dear little eyes stuck shut and an extremely stuffy nose. I took him to the doctor and he's on antibiotic eyedrops, but I know that it could well get worse before it gets better.

As always, thank you for your prayers. I've been struck lately -- repeatedly -- that I need to just get out of the boat and trust, so I'm trying to do that. I feel like all of this illness that's befallen our family is a sign -- albeit an unpleasant one -- that things are going in the right direction with Logan's treatment and progress. After all, I believe that when God scores victories, there are pushbacks from the other side. Thank you for praying for protection for our family as we continue along his road. Blessings to you.

The Grindstone

I've typed and deleted numerous opening lines for this entry. I just can't put what I'm feeling into words, so perhaps bluntness is my friend tonight.

I really need hope. I need signs. I need encouragement. I've had my nose pressed against this grindstone for so long now that the skin has worn off, scabbed over and been cut open again more times than I can count. It's not so much that I feel like there's new, fresh skin exposed. No, it's more that I'm so numb that I've lost a lot of sensation. I'm not feeling a lot of the acute pain anymore, which isn't an entirely bad thing, but I'm also not feeling the joys. And with that, I take issue. I don't want to be cheated out of feeling happiness when there are pleasant moments to be enjoyed.

So please pray over those things, if you will. Please pray for health for Logan and for our family. Pray for signs and encouragement, and pray that I won't be so numb that I'll be unable to recognize them when they appear. And as always, pray for the salient desire of my heart: Healing for my little sunshine. Thank you, and have a blessed Sunday.

The Logan Update: 4/1/11

April. It seems like it was the other A-month -- August -- just a few weeks ago. I guess the old adage is true: Time flies when you're having... fun? Hardly. But it definitely flies whether or not fun is being had.

Today was something of a rough one. The doctor opted to put Logan back on Decadron to help with his sore throat. Commence the 'roid rage: Tears, yelling, screaming, anger... then quiet. It's maddening to watch him morph into a crazy person and then back into someone who resembles his usual self over and over again. Sad. Frustrating. Depressing.

Otherwise, Adam said that the anesthesiologist had The Talk with him this morning: Your child has a cold. We should stop treatment if he has a cold. Of course, they went ahead with the session anyway since his oxygen saturation was at 100% and his lungs were clear, but still, not a good situation. Dr. T. is of the opinion that we need to plug away as aggressively as possible and stay on track with the protocol, so please pray that the cold/allergies/whatever is plaguing Logan will go away soon. Very, very soon.

Before I go, I also wanted to note that there's been a date change. The MRI that was scheduled for the 13th has now been moved to the 15th because no one wanted to give him anesthesia two times on the 13th (once for said MRI and once for radiation). So if you plan to pray over the scan and results, please do note the change.

On the me-front, things are passable. I still can't hear much from my right ear. I paid a visit to my ENT yesterday, who checked things out and noted plenty of fluid behind my eardrum but no active infection. He used a tuning fork test -- one of the weirdest tests I've ever taken -- to determine that I'm suffering from a temporary hearing loss. (How he could tell that from me telling him how loud a given tone was is beyond me.) It should eventually get better, but it could take a few weeks. Meanwhile, I have to be careful to sleep only on my right side, otherwise I can't hear the alarm clock when it goes off in the morning. This evening my throat hurts, but I'm unsure if it's a new issue or merely postnasal drip. There's always something, isn't there?

Anyway, that's it for now. Please continue to pray for Logan's complete healing. And for me, renewed hope and vigor. And for our entire family, HEALTH! Thank you so much for walking with us.