It's not that I don't feel anything. On the contrary, I feel a lot. Probably more than I want to feel. But tears? They don't typically come.
I've been tired. No one tells you what dealing with what we dealt with will do to your body. I feel like I've been torn apart, bathed in acid, blow dried and set out in the sun. And then blasted with cold air. I guess that sounds extreme, but I'm so disconnected that some days, it's hard to make any sense of anything at all. Including my own thoughts.
I missed Logan a lot today. I'm not sure why. I miss him every single day. Every single hour. But today, for whatever reason, the wound felt very raw.
Maybe it was because Adam's cousin got married last night. And Logan wasn't there with us to celebrate and boogie with his brothers and sister at the reception. Or maybe it was because the Team Logan Bake Sale was last weekend and we're fresh off a family trip to attend.
Or maybe it's nothing more complicated than a mom missing her little lamb, wishing he were here with her.
I don't really know. And I guess it doesn't matter much: it is, after all, what it is.
All my love and sincere sympathies, though I am sure that you have plenty of that to hold you a lifetime. I came across your page on accident. I was researching information for a friend of mine whose daughter was just diagnosed with at/rt. She is only 2 and a half yrs old, it warmed my heart to read of your story and although I have no words of true value to add, I just wanted to say God Bless you and your family. Prayers for Gods peace to just fill your life.
ReplyDeleteYour family is so beautiful, so full of love. That a little boy can mean so much to so many people is incredibly moving to me... and I just can't imagine what I could say that might comfort you. But if it helps, he touched my life, and I never met him.
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