It's not that I don't feel anything. On the contrary, I feel a lot. Probably more than I want to feel. But tears? They don't typically come.
I've been tired. No one tells you what dealing with what we dealt with will do to your body. I feel like I've been torn apart, bathed in acid, blow dried and set out in the sun. And then blasted with cold air. I guess that sounds extreme, but I'm so disconnected that some days, it's hard to make any sense of anything at all. Including my own thoughts.
I missed Logan a lot today. I'm not sure why. I miss him every single day. Every single hour. But today, for whatever reason, the wound felt very raw.
Maybe it was because Adam's cousin got married last night. And Logan wasn't there with us to celebrate and boogie with his brothers and sister at the reception. Or maybe it was because the Team Logan Bake Sale was last weekend and we're fresh off a family trip to attend.
Or maybe it's nothing more complicated than a mom missing her little lamb, wishing he were here with her.
I don't really know. And I guess it doesn't matter much: it is, after all, what it is.