A Really Big Wave

I no longer spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Taking each day as it comes is how I survive, which is probably why I was a month late ordering dance recital tickets and still have yet to sew the elastic bands onto the cowboy hats for the mother/daughter dance. (I now have approximately 24 hours to get it done.) In a way, it's maddening, because in my previous life, I was punctual. I did things way ahead of time just so I wouldn't have to stress over them as the deadlines approached. But it doesn't work that way anymore. At least, not right now.

As I got up this morning, I could feel an epic wave looming overhead. Today and tomorrow are easily two of the most emotion-laden days we'll have to face this year. Why? Today, Brady is 18 months old. A year-and-a-half. I still think of him as my tiny baby, and though he is indeed on the small side, he's far from an infant. He's bubbly, perky, energetic. He's also one of the most pleasant, patient toddlers I've ever known. Today, however, is also the anniversary of Logan's homecoming following his BMT cycle. Hs went through so much during that 50-day stay at CHO, yet we were quietly, hold-your-breath hopeful that he had come home healed once and for all. I remember him getting out of the car exactly one year ago. I remember how he took a moment to silently --but still gleefully-- admire the banner and Cars-themed decorations and bunches of balloons that welcomed him back to a semblance of a normal life. I could tell he was overwhelmed, but pleased. Gratified. Happy.

And there's tomorrow. Tomorrow, Isaac will be four years old. Birthdays are blessings through and through, but four will be hard for me. It was only two weeks after Logan's fourth birthday that we discovered that something was horribly, horribly wrong.

So much emotion, so little time to feel it.