Logan's ninth birthday is tomorrow.
For most parents, birthdays are happy occasions filled with cake and ice cream and the birthday song and giggles and pictures and fun. November 3 and June 15 and December 14 are all like that for me.
But July 31st is different. It's a day of remembrance. It's a day to look back on and really internalize the profound impact he had on all of our lives.
It's a day for the cracks in my heart to re-break and ooze.
It's a feeling you don't get unless you've been where I am. It's a lonely place. It's a deeply painful place.
But we'll do what we did in 2012 and 2013 and 2014, and celebrate him as best we can. We'll make the day about him and what he liked. And we'll get through it, together. And if we're extra specially blessed, we'll feel him hanging around, in whatever way it's possible.
Happy almost-birthday, my Sunshine. I so wish you were here.