About Us

Our family of 6 (dad Adam, mom Sherry, big sister Abby and little brothers Isaac and Brady -- who was born on December 14, 2010) joined the ranks of pediatric cancer fighters when our 4-year old son Logan was diagnosed with a dangerous and highly malignant form of brain cancer in mid-August 2010. Logan's cancer journey began abruptly on Sunday, August 15, when his right eye suddenly turned inward during dinner. Twenty-four hours later, we were checking into Children's Hospital Oakland and finding out that life sometimes takes you places you'd never, ever imagine yourself going.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I Thought It Was You

When I was younger, I was --for some reason I can't explain-- drawn to a country song called "I Thought It Was You". It's sung by a guy named Doug Stone, and talks about a relationship that's come to an end. He waxes poetic on his former flame as he describes seeing someone he mistakenly thought, at first glance, was her:

I thought it was you / Took a moment to catch my breath / Tried to brace myself / Still don't have a clue / How to leave your memory behind / After all this time...

I know, totally random post, right? I write about my son, not some long-lost romantic interest. Bear with me; I'm getting there. I had an 'I thought it was you' moment a few weeks ago. It had such a profound effect on me that I'm just now getting to a place where I can write about it coherently.

We went to Adam's brother and sister-in-law's house to celebrate his parents' birthdays one pleasant Sunday afternoon. I slowpoked my way inside after loading Isaac's bike --which he'd had at grandma and granddad's house-- into the car. As I added our gifts to the pile beside the fireplace, I cast a momentary glance into the backyard. And my heart leapt into my throat as I saw Logan, wearing sunglasses and doing a goofy dance. I froze. Tried to brace myself...

Of course, it wasn't Logan. It was Isaac.

But in that moment, I thought it was Logan. I was shocked by how much Isaac looked like the Logan my heart remembers so clearly. It's always startling to suddenly realize that your child has grown more than you'd noticed, but it was jolting. Shocking. Stunning and bittersweet. And the words from that song I hadn't thought of in quite some time came back to me. I thought it was you... took a moment to catch my breath.... Because for a split second, I saw him.

And for now, that has to be enough. As long as I live and breathe, it'll never be enough in the absolute sense of the word, but I'm grateful to have something.

1 comment:

  1. wow, what an amazing thing. joyous and heartbreaking and everything in between. love.