Who, Me?

Another day, another dollar. Not really. Just couldn't come up with anything clever to write.

As of this evening when I left CHO, Logan was breathing well on the BIPAP machine. The neuro team decided to replace his shunt after all --they'd previously decided against it since the pressure in his brain remained low while his drain was clamped over the weekend, but the PICU doc thought it might be a good move and Dr. S said okay. So that'll happen at some point tomorrow. Otherwise, that's about it. He had a flurry of visitors, including a classmate's dad, our pastor and a church member, and the director of the preschool. All good people and I'm glad they stopped in, even if Logan didn't really know they were there.

I can be blunt sometimes, I know. But I don't want anyone to misinterpret my need to disseminate information as me giving up in any way, shape or form. Because we're most definitely not. This is a bump in the road --and a really, really big one at that-- but it's a bump nonetheless. And we continue to say Get Behind Us, Satan. My faith may be grievously imperfect, but God's faithfulness fills in the gaps. That's Good News.

Things

Just a very quick update to say that Logan is not doing well, medically. It crushes me to write that, so I'll be very brief and just say that he's still in the ICU, not particularly with it, and having trouble breathing. His lungs periodically collapse and he de-sats (oxygen level drops suddenly). He was placed on a BIPAP machine this evening, which gives him consistent pressure in the lungs to help keep them inflated. The medical goal at this point is to just get him home again, which looks like it may or may not happen

But of course, we hope for so, so much more. As much as your heart is breaking reading this, mine is breaking thousands of times more. Thank you for continuing to pray for Logan and for our family as we walk through this incredibly dry, painful valley.

On the bright side, today he is 5 and a half. Happy half birthday, Logan. We love you.

The Schedule

After some technical issues this morning and a day at CHO, here's the more-or-less official schedule. I used only the names of those who specifically volunteered to pray (with a few exceptions -- a few of you will find your names listed even though you didn't officially respond --you can thank God for prompting me to include you!). I've doubled up on a number of the timeslots, and of course, I'm still happy to add anyone who wishes to be added. Note that the times listed are technically Pacific, but no worries if you're not exact. I tried to honor time requests, but again, if it's not the perfect time for you, please just pray when you're able. Finally, if you asked to be included but don't see your name, bug me! I made a spreadsheet but there were, as I said, technical problems so names could've been eaten.

How to pray them? Well, I do it in a number of ways. I read them, listen to them (there are recordings of healing scriptures available online) and really reflect on what they mean for us; really chew on them mentally. But there's no right or wrong way to pray over them. It's about reading them, internalizing them and living them. (For my little sweetheart, of course, but also for you!)

The healing scriptures can be found at the bottom of a recent entry. I'm excited about this and am looking forward to seeing GREAT things with my little sunshine.

12 AM Jen S, Amy M
1 AM Alison B
2 AM Russell K, Amy H
3 AM Tracie S, Joni d
4 AM Christie H, Elizabeth D
5 AM Joanne M, Di
6 AM Lara M, Jane J
7 AM Christine R, Diane
8 AM Barbara M, Meg P
9 AM Tara F, Cheryl W
10 AM Becca C, Michelle N, Megan B
11 AM Julie B, Gretchen B
12 PM Fauhn V, Kari J
1 PM Sheila R, Heidi M
2 PM Kathy G
3 PM Michele R
4 PM Christina L
5 PM Erin H, Joelle D
6 PM Kate P, Mariela R
7 PM Kerry A, Dana A
8 PM Janice K, Debbie R
9 PM Bethany B, Irene T, Nancy
10 PM Cindy W, Lisa C, Yoojin L
11 PM Andrea B, Kathie P, Jamie L

Schedule

I've been trying to put together the healing scripture prayer schedule, but it seems like the devil doesn't want me to do it -- lots of technical issues! Until I can get it put together, please do take some time --as you're able-- to reflect and meditate on the verses I posted yesterday. Again, there's power in the Word. Make use of it! Blessings to you this Friday.

Thursday

It's Thursday. The brass tacks: Still in the ICU; on 6 liters of 70% flow oxygen; talking periodically, but it's hard to tell *who* he's talking to since his hearing is awful; given the content of the conversations he has with himself, we can tell he's obsessing over food (eg, my MIL said that overnight he said things like 'no, you have to *slice* the bagel first' and 'are we making chocolate chip cookies?'); is on a diet of purees because he has trouble chewing and swallowing (there's no known reason for this as his scans show NOTHing in that area that should be causing an issue); is fairly hopped up on pain meds; the culture of his CSF never grew anything, so they no longer think it's meningitis but something else they can't identify (nice, right?) in addition to a condition called PRESS (which is high blood pressure-induced swelling (but of course, they don't know why his BP is so high, either). I can tell he's still in there; he's just very uncomfortable and a bit out of it. The breathing thing is confusing the team; they can't figure out why he's having issues but are actively trying to figure it out. Phew. I think that's it for the basics. There's a LOT LOT LOT more I could say, but a lot of it's just static.

Me? After much confirmation, I'm Standing Still. That's right. I'm standing still and resting in God's plentiful promises that He will prosper us --including Logan-- and not harm us --yes, still including Logan. Hard at times? You betcha. But I believe --firmly now-- that God is actively fighting this battle for us and for Logan. My job is to stand here not relying on my OWN wavering measure of faith, but on God's *neverending* faithfulness to us. That's right: God's faithfulnness. The concept's really been hammered into me in recent days; I've been particularly --and repeatedly-- drawn to Hebrews 10:23, which says "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful". Unswervingly. Not moving at all. With great resistence to temptations and influences that would typically take me down. I find it much easier to exercise FAITH when I believe that the Maker is FAITHFUL. Now that's good news. When He wants me to do things, He tells me, which brings me to my next item.

Over the past few weeks, I've read healing scriptures from the Bible over Logan several times a day. They bring me a lot of comfort and a great sense of peace, and I think --as the Bible says-- that they also bring health to the flesh. So what I'd like to do --what I feel called to do-- is to arrange for a sort of marathon of healing scripture reading for Logan. I know you're not all here to read over him, to physically touch him as you read, but that's okay. If you'd be willing to take part --read and really focus on, absorb, understand, meditate on the list I post below-- let me know either privately or by a comment here, and I'll put together a schedule of sorts. I know that those overnight shifts will be hard to fill, so if I need to take them myself, I will. And I should also clarify that I'm just asking you to pray from wherever you're located. He's in the ICU and has visitor limitations as it is. Plus God knows intentionality when He hears it. :)

I should say something. I'm doing this as an act of obedience because I think God wants me to do it, and not because I think a bunch of us praying and meditating on these verses will force His hand. I DO, however, believe that there's tremendous, earth-shaking power in the Word. So let's put it to use.
**********

Exodus 23:25
Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you.

Deuteronomy 30:19-20
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

I Kings 8:56
Praise be to the LORD, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses.

Psalm 91:16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.

Psalm 103:3
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.

Psalm 107:20
He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.

Psalm 118:17
I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.

Proverbs 4:20-23
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Jeremiah 1:12
The LORD said to me, "You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled."

Jeremiah 30:17
But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, `because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.'

Joel 3:10
Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears. Let the weakling say, `I am strong!`

Nahum 1:9
Whatever they plot against the LORD he will bring to an end; trouble will not come a second time.


Matthew 8:2-3
A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.

Matthew 8:17
This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."

Matthew 18:18-19
"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.

Matthew 21:21
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.

Mark 11:23-24
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Mark 16:17-18
And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Romans 4:17-21
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead--since he was about a hundred years old--and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Romans 8:11
And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

II Corinthians 10:4-5
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Galatians 3:13-14
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

Ephesians 6:10-17
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Philippians 2:13
...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

II Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:35
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

Hebrews 11:11
By faith Abraham, even though he was past age--and Sarah herself was barren--was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

James 5:14-15
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.

I Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

I John 3:21-22
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.

III John 2
Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

Revelations 12:11
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Be Still

Today was Monday, right? The past few days have been such a blur that it's hard to keep tabs on pesky things like hours and minutes.

After spending last night at my in laws' house (with Abby, Isaac and Brady -- thanks mom and dad!), I headed back home this morning to get changed and drive our other car to CHO. When I arrived, Logan had just finished having a sponge bath, which he did not appreciate. At all. He was still fairly heavily sedated, but flailed and shook his head NO when asked questions and was generally disagreeable. The rest of the day was much the same, with him drifting in and out of very loose consciousness. He didn't open his eyes, but rubbed Lambie's ears a few times, which is something he does for comfort on a routine basis, and cried in frustration --those awful, silent, chest-heaving, intubated cries-- when he wasn't allowed to yank the tube from his throat.

The team is carefully monitoring his blood pressure and keeping his systolic number under 130 via medication on an as-needed basis. The MRI he had last night, as far as I'm aware, didn't show anything definitive, and the CSF culture hasn't yet grown any bacteria. That doesn't mean that he doesn't have meningitis, but the consensus is that he does indeed have some sort of infection.

Right now, Dr. S is operating to remove his shunt, since hardware can become a breeding ground for bacteria.

I could say a lot more, but those are the brass tacks and I'm tired. I'm trying to be still and rest in God's finished work. THANK YOU for being on Team Logan.

A Hard Day

It's been a Day. It's not capitalized because it holds any greatness, but because it's one that we won't soon forget.

Logan's suffering continued throughout the night. First, he moaned unintelligibly. Then he moved on to making random comments, including 'I have to pee' and 'my tummy hurts'. Then he settled into a routine of just crying out for Adam, moaning 'Daddy, daddy' over and over and over again. He was completely out of touch and largely non-responsive to us when we tried to get his attention. Aware that we weren't able to help him and with concern growing in our hearts, we dropped Abby, Isaac and Brady with Adam's parents and drove him on to CHO as quickly as we could.

Logan has been to the ED many times before, but this time it felt different. I'd called ahead and spoken with Annie, one of the residents, and she'd phoned down so they were expecting us. Ordinarily we go into an exam room, have vitals taken by a nurse, and then wait. Not this time. When we arrived, we were immediately ushered into a large room, where the ER doctor began barking orders at her co-workers. He was hooked up to monitors and quickly intubated while Adam and I waited in a nearby room. Logan hates being intubated and we couldn't bear to watch him undergo yet another horror. His blood pressure was absolutely out of control, at 150/120, and they worked to get it down as quickly as possible. They noted that his eyes weren't dilating properly -- not equal or particularly reactive -- and that he wasn't particularly focused on anything at all.

We felt a sense of hopelessness as we watched it all unfold; as Annie shared that he'd have a CT to check for disease, bleeding or a malfuction in his shunt. We cried -- a lot. We prayed that God would help him, would ease his suffering. We again surrendered him to God's protective arms.

After the CT, the ER doc came back and shared that the radiologist was 'confused' by the image. They didn't see rampant disease, nor did they see bleeding or a shunt problem. However, a significant portion of his brain was swollen and inflamed, which baffled all who looked at the image. (But it didn't baffle me; evil is evil is evil.)

Dr. S (the neurosurgeon) was called in to look at his scan, and he drew some CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) from his shunt for culture. He shared with us that it looked a little bloody, but he did just have surgery last week so it wasn't entirely unexpected. He also shared that his brain showed some 'changes', which could be the result of being on decadron for so long. He didn't elaborate, but said that neurology was involved, since another condition, called press --which is induced by high blood pressure and presents like Logan presented-- was a possible diagnosis. Dr. M --one of the oncology team members we like most-- was on call. She came in and shared her thoughts. I asked about meningitis or encephalitis, and she said that the scan didn't look consistent with either of them, but that since Logan is Logan and he presents with bizarre conditions, they'd go ahead and start him on aggressive antibiotics.

Eventually, with Logan heavily sedated and on painkillers, we were taken to a private room in the PICU. We weren't there long when the nurse got a call that his CSF sample stain had shown bacteria cells -- those that cause bacterial meningitis. Dr. M was quick to say that they don't officially diagnose it unless the culture *grows* the bacteria, but the symptomology fits.

Meningitis. I can honestly say that I'd felt little fear until I heard that word. It's a scary one. But I know we're doing everything we can do. Dr. M repeated several times that they're doing all they can do. That they're being proactive. That they're fighting for him. And I believe they are, because they know Logan and they love him. Maybe not like we do, but they do love him.

Neurology requested an MRI this evening, so he went down to radiology for that. I stayed behind and met with our pastor. And from that meeting, I emerged feeling encouraged in faith, and encouraged in belief. And I ask all of you who Believe to claim authority over sickness and cast it out of Logan's body in Jesus' name. Because friends, we DO have that authority. I know it's not popular and I know a lot of perfectly good people don't think that sort of power by the Holy Spirit is available to us in this age, but the Good news is that it IS. The Word is alive. We need to use it. We ARE NOT powerless if we Believe. Say it to yourself until you believe it: We are NOT powerless if we Believe. God gave us the power via the Holy Spirit to cast out demons and command authority over all the earth. It's up to US to use it.

Thank you for praying for Logan.